The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well many know my story. Married to AH, one child, been together 15+ years. Thing is . .Im freakin EXHAUSTED. ?nothings really different. .He still is out about 3times a week. Im basically a married single mom. .and well its gotten unmanageable as they say. I left a career of 15 yrs, started a new job in May. . Great people. .But the hrs are tough and the boss can only be so flexible. . Every night requires a different childcare arrangement that doesnt involve AH because frankly hes not able to committ. .No surprise. .But that leaves me juggling it ALL. . And not gracefully i might add. My daughter and i are constantly at odds. Ive spent years overcompensating for her all but absent father and well shes been my buddy. . But i know all good things must end. Shes growing resentful, annoyed with her dad but taking it out on me. . I know the drill im a mental health clinician. .Which at the moment seems laughable as my own life us such a mess. . Lets see. . Ive been in therapy for 2+yrs, tried multiple different meds for anxiety, left a toxic job to eneter into a less toxic but more draining one. . Ive gained 25#, my TMJ in my jaw is bad, i cry all the time, i stay up too late, im unraveling bc there arentvenough hrs in the day while at the same time wishing the days away. Im accepting that im SUFFERING with depression. . Ive denied it for a LONG time but i cant anymire. AH is no support. . Says things like. . Stop the pity party, count your blessings, deal, . . All the while he carrys on. . Out with the boys, paying cards, watching fball, hanging out doing his various hobbies. . All while i juggle it ALL. Yup, i kniw, ive got to.stop. . Ive got to be gentle, i need to be mindful and present. .But, folks, im not. I dont mean to be flip uts just my reality. And frankly im worn out. . Yes, there are some perks to this job. . I am.able to.ttake my daughter to school everyday. . No more worrying about daddy having a hangover while getting her to school, and yes ive had to ask my parents for help but. . That means they kno more of the reality that i live with. . My ah has his good qualitires as do i as does my life but the depression has got its hold. . May weight.gain just adds insultbto.injury. .
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When all else fails...there is Faith, Hope and Prayer.
I'm so sorry. It can be very hard. I wonder what benefit there is in your A being around the house? It sounds like it would be less aggravating if he weren't there. It feels better sometimes when we know we're making a choice instead of being stuck in a situation. I hope an easier way to take care of you and your daughter presents itself soon. It sounds very hard, and no wonder you're tired and frustrated. Hugs.
I can relate to being tired, overworked, single mom even though we both have AH husbands. I don't hear much from your share about taking care of numero uno. You need to try and focus on you for once. I know that is really hard being a working mom. Is there anyway you can get out during lunch and either hit the gym or take a walk. I will say this has been (besides finding al-anon meetings) my saving grace lately. Exercise has helped to center my thoughts and really helped with my stress management. I also opened up to some close friends and my parents, brother and wife about what was going on and even though they aren't much help due to their proximity, they have been a great source of emotional help.
I know this is hard right now. Sending you positive thought and prayers.
(((Theoceancalls))) - so sorry for the depression, anxiety and current state of your life. One of the slogans that often helps in times of chaos and turmoil for me is that this too shall pass!
It sounds as if you're ready to make some changes - pray for guidance and work your program one day at a time. Hang in there and know we are all just a post away!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I to am so sorry to hear that you are having such a rough time of it. When we are in the midst of such anxiety and pain it is difficult to focus on anything else but what is making us so unhappy. The last thing we want to do is stop and focus on the program, but that really is what would be the best thing to do!! {{HUGS}}
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
I totally feel your frustration and so sorry you are suffering. I know that feeling very well. Try to treat yourself gently and I found that the slogan " First Things First" seems to slow down my thinking and obsessing. I can then Do good things for myself, give myself credit for it. It also helps with my decesions . Whatever small steps I need to make daily to go ahead toward a better life.
