This is my first time checking out Al-Anon or posting on a forum. I've been dating a guy for the last 10 months. We are middle aged and I have not drank in more than 15 years. I'm beginning to think he is a full blown alcoholic, but he's not being honest with me about the extent of his drinking. Lately, he's becoming more and more belligerent and wanting to start arguments when he's drinking. He also gets heavy handed when drinking. He's not physically abusive, but when he grabs my hand or reaches for me or grabs my face to kiss me he gets rough without realizing it. When he's sober, he's great. But I'm noticing that the alcohol is becoming more and more out of control. He used to be in AA, but he says it was just because he was going through custody issues with his kids and that he didn't really have a problem. His daughter told me her dad is not supposed to be drinking at all. He called me crying one night asking me to throw out any liquor or beer he had left at my house because his kids found where he was hiding a bottle at his house. He said he was done drinking. That lasted a few days and it was then I'll just have a few beers but not liquor, liquor makes him more belligerent. Now it's full on. I go to bed at night and he would rather sit up drinking alone. Our romantic life is now suffering as well and we are starting to fight more and more. Even when I try to ignore him he just keeps it up. I know you can't make anyone stop drinking. I've told him it bothers me when he drinks that much and I've pointed out things he's said and done. He's always apologetic in the past, but now he's getting less and less so and tries to say I'm making it up. This started after I confronted him about the drinking. He says he wants to get married, but I'm not ready for that. It's sad because we get along so well until the alcohol starts flowing and that's starting to be just about every day now. I can't talk to his family about it because apparently they don't know he's drinking again. I'd like to be supportive if he's willing to try and get help but not to the point it becomes self destructive for me. The verbal attacks are just hard. He will start an argument then say I started it and that I'm always mad at him. I feel he wants to push me away because I'm a threat to his drinking. I told him Sunday that I felt the bottle was more important to him than anything else was and that the relationship he was in was with the bottle. I waited until he was sober and said it calmly and in a non threatening way stating it made me sad. I'm not an idiot about alcoholics because my step father was one and I drank a lot when I was younger to numb the pain. But, that all changed after I began having anxiety attacks and got help from a counselor and God and made a decision for my health I didn't ever want to drink again. It doesn't bother me that others drink, but it does bother me to see people getting drunk and acting belligerent. I'm always the rescuer and I know that doesn't work because they will just pull you down with them. Just rereading what I've written screams codependent lol. I got divorced a few years ago and I've learned a lot about myself and learned to appreciate who I am and what I have to offer. I know this is his issue and not mine. I'm not ready to throw in the towel, but I know it could come to that if things keep going downhill. And, I guess that makes me sad. Sad that he can't see he's just throwing his life away. I'm afraid he's going to have to hit rock bottom before he stops and I would have thought that already would have happened with some things he's been through in his life, but I guess not. Any advice on dealing with him when he gets this way so I'm not as impacted by his actions would be appreciated. I've read don't engage, do your thing and take care of yourself. But, I need a little more than that for help.