The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Last night my AH came up to me and asked, what's going on with us, I feel awkward around you and not sure what to do? In a calm and sincere voice I said, really, that's funny cause in the last week you've gone from telling me to stay away from you and don't ever touch you and that you will never touch me to acting like nothing even happened. I asked him if he liked not remembering things and he said Friday is the first time he doesn't remember. I beg to differ but I let it go. I told him again that no matter what that I loved him but I was not going to live in confusion, we will see where he takes it from there. I think he truly believed me this time though. I said you need help but I can't make you go so he is gonna have to decide what is most important to him and then I will have to make some decisions. It was nice to have this talk with him while he was sober and nice to get it off my chest. It's all in his court now. He knows exactly how I feel and I feel good about staying calm and honest.
Thank you all for always listening and being there
Nicely done Beth! I see honesty, confidence, self care and boundaries in your post. You're taking steps toward a better life and it's yet to be determined whether he's going to be on that Journey or not. Either way, if you continue to work The Program and take care of YOU, you're going to be okay no matter what. It keeps getting better.
Hi Beth~My A often denies saying things, doesn't remember, or says that's not what was meant and I interpreted it wrong. It's part of the addictive personality I think, to blame others and take no responsibility. My sponsor has taught me alot of very valuable lessons like QTIP=quit taking it personally. She also encourages me to have NO expectations of others, only of myself. And on the board and in my F2F meeting I also learn amazing things like: if you know the answer to a question, why ask? A slogan I really like is "detachment, not amputation." So I credit alanon for giving me more productive coping skills and a much saner, healthier way of life. So keep coming back. You are already on the right track, Lyne
I think you are handling yourself and the situation perfectly!! You are calm, honest and I can tell, happy with your reactions and feelings, and I am happy for you!!
__________________
"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
Aloha Confused...that sounded good on your part and still the first step remains. "If you keep and open mind...you will find help" is always on my mind when dealing with others. I no longer am married to an alcoholic addict and so my only problem is me and my only solution God. I don't defense against others today...I listen because they too have their stories which are taking place at the same time as mine. Making my needs heard while listening to the needs of the alcoholic addict is honoring and respectful. He has his concerns which to him are real along with his perceptions. Empathy is mercy when we allow the alcoholic to be wrong and forgetful. After all they are chemically altered and often for long periods of time.
I beg to differ but I let it go. I told him again that no matter what that I loved him.
When I arrived at that practice and thought force myself I knew the war was over and that my Higher Power was now running my program. (((((hugs)))))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Tuesday 6th of October 2015 01:30:33 PM
