The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Sick and tired of functioning AH'S problem consuming me. I'm so tired of it that I'm angry for being on this message board venting right now because -once again- it's consuming me. I don't even want to work the steps or go to an online meeting BECAUSE I AM DONE. I just want to be done. I didn't choose this. I didn't cause this. I don't want this so why is it that I'm "called" to do all of this???
Beach, don't give up on yourself! Essentially that is what you are saying! We do not want to see you give into the resentment and anger that this disease causes, because you are worth so much more to yourself, your children, us here on MIP and life! What you will acquire from working the Al-anon program is so valuable to you, your children and to all aspects of your life.
__________________
"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
(((Beachee))) - so sorry that you've hit a wall today. I can relate to where you are and have been there before. What I have since learned is if I walk away from the disease, the diseased and recovery, I am turning my back on a better life. For whatever reason, those of us who live with alcoholics or love them are drawn to less-than-healthy people. My experience - those who walk away without recovery choose another partner with equal or worse issues.
Do we deserve better? Yes. Did we cause it? Nope. Do we hate it? Yes. Can we recover? Yes. Will they recover? Who Knows. These are all questions I've asked myself over and over and over again. My best thinking almost made me run away from my marriage, recovery, the disease and 'it all'....but a wise person told me that my part of this and the way I process will be the same unless I work on me, learn to love me and learn what makes me think as I do, act as I have and react as I have.
So - the choice is yours. Recovery will give you more than you can ever hope for if you find it worth pursuing. So very sorry that the disease has the best of you, hopefully just for this moment on this day.
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I don't think the disease has the best of me. I'm just so tired. I just want to walk away because I don't want this life anymore. I want to take our girls and make a HOME for them. I'm not saying g I'm not going better myself but I cannot so it w him in the same house. I just now found where he stashes his vodka. I started to throw it away or make it known I found it. But that's not my job. My job is me.
There are so many choices that people in your position have taken. Some can put a line down the middle of the house and live on separate sides. Some move next door. Some are able to detach and ignore and still stay in the same house. Some have to live on opposite sides of the world. You will find out what is right for you.
This is my first posting and my reason for posting is I feel just the way you do - I feel DONE.
I've managed to hide the worst of the problems from the kids for 26 years so I'm pretty sure they have no idea but the constant daily stress and tension is finally getting to me. A year ago I discovered I am at the start of a slow moving illness so I had a tiny, forlorn hope that someone would put an arm around me and maybe we could have a bit more kindness and fun in our lives - not all the time, just maybe the odd day. However, despite me being very careful not to rock any boats, it seems to have caused the worst year in a very long while. I'm now facing the fact that I'm NEVER going to get support from him. I'm supposed to avoid stress - what a joke! I am NOT drawn to less-than-healthy people - I thought it was temporary drinking due to a divorce. I am NOT drawn to less-than-healthy people -I HATE this with every fibre of my being but have always felt like a rabbit caught in headlights. Just maybe beacheemom, we're close to having to courage to do something about it. You've got younger children, I've got a jointly run business & older children so whatever decision will have negative complications.
I have a screaming voice in my head right now 'I DON'T WANT THIS'.
Welcome to MIP SunnyWood! Glad you found us and glad you found the courage to share!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Sunnywood, welcome to Miracles in progress. I hope you can get to an Al Anon meeting, or attend one here online. You will be amazed at the people you meet that will understand your situation and be able to share their experience, strength, and hope with you so that you can make decisions.
And keep coming back here, there is lots of wisdom on this board as well.
I walked away 3 weeks ago! I was going crazy! It was very hard! I am still there for all the medical support but I had to detach from the situation for my own sanity. I pray he reaches the point soon to want to stop or else he will die!
