The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
DS was in a shelter and then in a room at a gym. He had a job interview set up in NYC for Monday. So Sunday he called my 73 year sister, in NYC, who has never lived with anyone as a grownup and asked if he could come and sleep on her couch. She is very fragile, nervous, and gets distressed easily. I can't tell if he is ok or not. There are no rules so he is out at night. She didn't know she could ask him to come in by a certain time. He says he is at a friend's house who works with him and they are helping each other, but I don't believe him. When he arrived he had $600 dollars, his last paycheck. Now she called me and said his money will never last till he gets paid. He has $20 lunches, and could I get her some money. DH says absolutely not. I don't know how he could spend so much but obviously he has. He thinks she is a bank. I don't want her to give him money, but he does need carfare and I don't want him to take her money.
She has his money and I assumed she was doling it out, but apparently she just gives him what he asks for. Today she told me it is not his fault he is bipolar so she is being nice. He could ruin her in a month. I am going there Friday and I hope we can sit down and talk and put on some stops, but he will get angry. We need to do a money plan.
I was naive to think he would appreciate what she is doing for him and act accordingly. But he is a narcissist and the world revolves around him. I must protect my sister and I don't know how.
Laurab - I agree with Betty - guidance will come if you pause and pray.
It sounds as if you have an opportunity to share Al-Anon with your sister. I do agree that mental health issues are not 'chosen' but recovery and proper self-care are. I have family members who treat their mental health issues and then others who self-medicate. It's a tough situation, but it is still about what you can do, what you can control and setting up boundaries while detaching.
Good luck with your travels and message - I'm sending you positive thoughts and prayers!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I went to my sister's on Friday and stayed overnight. My son was drunk. He started drinking as soon as he left the rehab when he realized what he had lost, job, girl, baby, home etc. Apparently when he arrived at my sister's she didn't know he had been drinking. When he couldn't sleep she gave him Atavan and Dalmaine, plus he had his own supply of Seraquil which he bought from a guy in the shelter. So he had been sleeping on her couch for 4 days, going out at night drinking, and drinking beer in the bedroom and taking pills. She didn't realize he was drinking even though I knew the minute I was near him. He stank. She is very innocent. She thought he was sleeping from too much Atavan.
She is not angry that he drank. She thinks none of this is his fault because he is bipolar. She is getting advise daily from her therapist she has been going to for 35 years and should be put in jail, but that's a whole other story. So now she is yelling at me and saying he will be ok as soon as withdrawal is over and she is committed.
I want to take him to a psych emergency room for evaluation and referral. They are available 24/7. My sister is insisting she can help him. He is sleeping most of the time. He is not drinking. The vomiting has stopped and he is eating and drinking water so I think the withdrawal is taking affect. He wants to stay there.
I am at a loss. He needs good long term help to recover if he wants to. I don't know what he wants because he can't think straight.
-- Edited by laurab on Sunday 4th of October 2015 07:11:06 PM
I hear that NYC has thousands of really good AA meetings which would be a great boundary and they are 24/7 he would have no other excuse other than "I don't wanna or need to etc. They have great Al-Anon there too and you and your sister could go and listen don't you know. That's the stuff that saved my life so Its what I can suggest.
