My BF came home from work on Saturday and he was sober. I was grateful for that. Sunday, we went to a new church and I did not agree with the teaching. They preached about preaching the word of god and and the people in the church were nice but I felt smothered. People after people gathered around me and I had enough and someone said they have bible studies on Wednesday night and if I wanted to attend. I just told the person I had enough for today and left. The bf went quite afterwards and said he needed time alone when we got home. He got into the beer. Then he started arguing with me. He said I disrespected him in church by walking away and left him there to talk to the people. He says I embarrassed him. He went on and on and started calling me down. He said I can not work and keep the house clean ( I am off work on sick leave) and he has to come home and clean house and he has to work his ass off and I am off work laying around pretending to be sick. I finally left the room. I could not take the calling down anymore. He kept at me all night long and I did not sleep. He says he is not going back to work. I woke up at 6 am and he was still up drunk and talking to himself. I tried to get him to sleep and he refused. Instead he got mad and started arguing with me again. He punched the wall as he was yelling at me ( I am sure his hand is sore today). Then he called work and said he is not returning and made another phone call and got dressed and by 10 am he went to the pub. I went with him so I could eat lunch there. They have great food. In the pub he kept at me again but I ignored him. He stayed in the bar till about 5 pm and left. He was drunk, drunk. He went to the liquor store and got more beer. I stayed away from him all day. By the time I returned home at 6 pm, he was still drinking beer. I began stressing out and puked my guts out. I had to lay down and he kept coming into the room trying to argue with me. He was so drunk, he kept going from the bedroom to the spare bedroom upstairs looking for me. He kept saying where are you, I know your around here as he would go from the main bedroom to the spare bedroom, back and forth. Meanwhile I am in the kitchen watching him. Finally, I had enough and I went downstairs and hid in the spare room. It was so funny, as I could hear him stomping around upstairs and talking to himself and looking for me. After 2 hours of searching the house and calling out for me, he found me relaxing in the spare room. He calmed down and said I am going to bed, now that I have found you. He is now passed out and its 9 am. I am so grateful for the quite now and being able to vent my angry feelings. I worked really hard to not engage with him and I know I did my best considering the situation. There is empty beer cans in the living room but I am not cleaning it up. I did not put it there. As I disengage from his drunkenness, I see no hope for him. I wish he would just leave and drink himself to death. I hate his alcoholism. I hate the person he becomes and how he talks and acts. He is a complete embarrassment and a complete looser. I have lost all compassion for him. I just hate his lies and abuse. I know I am the one responsible because I stay in this sick relationship. I have to make a serious effort to get out and get my own place. I have to pay off my last apartment I left (there was bed bugs). I have been thinking, there is hope, I will get out out of this madness. As soon as I get well, I have surgery October 9th to have a look in my stomach where the pain is severely and I will start saving money for damage deposit and rent and leave. In the meantime, I have to set boundaries with him and get him to leave the house when he is drinking as his behavior is out of control. He is very very sick and this time, I will no longer save his ass when he runs out of money. I am going to pay only what I have to and he can pay for what he owns, as he made the choice to quit his job. I am so fed up with his childish behavior. He needs to do something for himself and get treatment. I am so done. I feel grateful though I have been able to use the tools of the program to not engage and to focus on myself. I am trying. Just had to let this anger go before I explode!