Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene

Jazzie18 · Senior Member

Socializing with old friends

mjferg · Senior Member

The only thing I have to offer right now is what I am working on in my life.I have been practicing just letting go and letting God.From recent experiences I have truly learned that I have no power over what other people decide to do.I can only control what I do and my journey.It isn't easy and it does take practice.When I find myself getting caught up in trying to control something I stop and say to myself,just let it be.I am starting with little things that I notice myself doing ,like wanting to double check something or getting obsessed with something.I make myself stop and do something else like read a book or write in my journal.I have found that replacing with healthier things helps.

Iamhere · ~*Service Worker*~

I have to agree with Mary - this is a great time to let it go and trust in your HP. You have no control over what he does or does not do and if he drinks, it won't be because of the party, the guests or the location or the booze or the _________________. It will be because he has stepped away from his recovery.

In any case, good or bad, it's not your journey - it's his. I know it's hard but there's nothing that you can do to control this or the outcome.

From the AA side, the only person who can decide if he's ready to be around alcohol and drinkers is the alcoholic. This is a topic discussion often, as it's everywhere - family events, weddings, funerals, business dinners, etc. If one is working a program, has a spiritual program, and a reason to be there, it's up to them. We are told to take our own transportation so that if it gets slippery, we can leave when we need/want to.

(((Hugs))) for you - do your best to stay in the now and have faith that what will be is what will be. You are not alone!

Jill · ~*Service Worker*~

For many years, I drove alone in similar situations. That way I was not dependent on an impaired driver. The other person had the option of riding with me, if they needed. This gave me such relief. I was able to move more toward letting go and letting God.

Debb · ~*Service Worker*~

I have to agree with Mary and Iam, Jazzie .... sooner or later AH is going to have to
deal with these tricky situations. Let Go And Let God. {{HUGS}}

-- Edited by Iamhere on Sunday 31st of January 2021 11:50:11 AM

Jazzie18 · Senior Member

Thanks everyone. I agree. I can't keep him locked up or control him so I just have to let him make his own decisions and trust in the knowledge that I will be ok regardless of wether or not he choses to drink or not. Thanks for all the insight. I guess I am a bit confused as a lot of what I read is to really limit the time around alcohol with the newly recovered alcoholic so I just wanted to make sure I wasn't putting him in a spot where he really really wants to drink. I guess i have to realize that alcoholics really really want to drink anywhere they go. Just have to put my faith in god.

RealitySucker · Veteran Member

Jazzie - You've gotten some good advice above, but one thing that stands out to me in your very last post is where you said "I just wanted to make sure I wasn't putting him in a spot where he really really wants to drink." It's important to remember that YOU aren't putting him in that spot. It is HIS choice to go, not yours. You can't control him, you know that! It is so tough to let go of the anxiety surrounding alcohol and it seems "easier" to just avoid being around it completely, but it is just unrealistic.

I've had a couple experiences similar to this during my AH's attempts at sobriety. One he attended a bachelor party 2 months sober and that was a terrible idea. He really felt beforehand that he'd be able to handle it, but when the whole thing was centered on drinking and he felt uncomfortable sharing what was going on, and he caved. It was horrible (for me) because I felt like I couldn't trust him, but we tried to work through it, and he had to learn from it and realize he wasn't ready for that type of situation. We've had other occasions where we've done dinner out with friends and people have been drinking, and I think it was easier for him because no one was paying attention to whether he was drinking/asking why he wasn't, the focus wasn't on it, and I was there and we'd discussed ahead of time that if he felt uncomfortable he could give me a signal and I'd be fine with leaving.

I know it is so anxiety-inducing because it just seems so counter-intuitive to put an alcoholic in a situation where people are drinking but...like I said, can't avoid it forever, unfortunately. Good luck!

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene