I guess I will try to make this short... because it could get long...  But I am 32.  My partner is 34.  We started dating two years ago.  I noticed right away he drank frequent... daily.  I just didn't realize how much.  About 4-5 months into our relationship, I realized he drank 12-15 beer every night.  He was never physically abusive to me... But after 5-6 beer, his personality would change... especially after everyone would leave.   He would talk to me about things that you just don't talk to your girlfriend about.... details of past relationships that don't need to be brought up, etc.  I won't get into it all, but a lot of stuff would be said, and it would bother me.  When I wasn't around, he'd emotionally cheat on me by calling other girls that he met after our relationship began, through work.... He'd talk to them for hours on the phone.  I don't believe there was much to it, he gets chatty when he drinks.  When I called him out on doing this, he did stop. 

For the record, we each have two children, not together.  He has full custody of his two, and I have full custody of mine.  He has his 100% of the time because the kids mom is a fentanyl addict.  I have mine 80%. 

After about 5 months together, I told him I wanted to go to an al-anon group.  I confronted him on being an alcoholic.  He got upset with me, so I never went.  He told me he knew he needed to quit, had quit before for 6yrs with no help and could do it again, etc.  Since this time which was around December 2013, he has attempted to quit many times.  The longest he has gone is 12 days without beer.  He has definitely reduced from his 12-15 a day.  To 12-24 per week.  But the 12-24 per week is not 2-3 a day.... He drinks to become intoxicated.  He lies to me about drinking because he knows it bothers me.  I know he lies, sometimes I call him out on it, sometimes I let it be. 

He is a 'functioning' alcoholic.  Being that he goes to work, provides for his kids.... This is his excuse always that he shouldn't have to quit.

Rather than give too much background, I'll skip to the most recent.  He agreed he would cut down drastically on his drinking... which he has.  I wanted completely, but we compromised with the, if he wants to get a case here and there, then he can.  I wish we didn't make that compromise.  We live in Ontario.  On Labour day, he was at my parents house with me and said that he wanted a beer.  I said, how about I give you two of my dad`s to take with you.  (My dad doesn`t drink beer, but he always has it for company.).  He said no.  He left my house and drove to Quebec (20min+) to get a case... because two wasn`t enough for him.  Later on we argued about this.  He calls me controlling, tells me I`m trying to run his life, I don`t trust him, etc. etc. etc.  Of course the next day he sobers up and wants to make amends (this is routine with him, i`m used to him hating me when its between me and beer, but then his beer is gone, and all of a sudden he wants me again).  So I agreed to reconcile, yet again, with conditions this time though.  He quits beer, for ONE month.  Prove to me that he can actually do it without help.  Prove to me that he wants to gain trust back.  Prove to me that I am worth more to him than the beer is. And condition #2 is we go to couples counselling. I said if you`re gonna give me false hope, you`ll loose more trust, so think long and hard about what you actually want.  He came back, probably too quickly, with the promise of quitting for one month. 

Six days later, I text him good morning.  He woulda been on the way to work, he texts morning back.  Usually I get a phone call or text when he arrives at work, but nothing.  I text him, no reply.  A couple hours later I called, no answer, no call back.  He was supposed to pick my son up early from school for a dentist appt.  So I made arrangements to leave work early to get my son.  I called him again, nothing.  This was very strange.  I texted.  I texted his family.  I worried.  I called police in the town he works in and gave a description of his truck asking if there had been any accidents.  I was so worried.  As I left work, I can see his house from the route I take to pick up my children.  I seen his truck parked out front.  I picked up my kids and on our way to dentist, we have to drive directly past his house.  So I stopped in.  Found him upstairs, in bed, hungover (at 3:40pm).  His son was sitting next to him playing video games.  He had kept him home from school as his excuse, saying he was sick.  I woke him, asked him if he had been drinking.  He said yes.  I said I`m done, and I left.  I was so upset. 

I had made an appointment that morning for the counselling before even knowing he didn`t work and had been drinking.  (Oh FYI the reason I have gotten pushy with him quitting too is because he wants us to live together, and I feel that I could live with a recovering addict, but I do not want to put myself and my children in the position of living with an addict that doesn`t really want to quit). 

Anyways, in one of the texts I had sent that went unresponded to, I told him about the appointment.  About 4-5 days later, he comes around and does what he always does... tells me how sad and depressed he is without me... blah blah blah.  He begged to be able to come to the appointment still.  I consented, but we did not get back together.  The apt was set for September 26.  The Thursday before tho, I work late, and on my way home from work, I stopped in.  It had been days since we seen each other, but we text and spoke on the phone daily.  I found him with 12 beer.  Just starting to drink his first.  I said seriously, you are trying to fix us, you know beer is the problem, and here you are sitting drinking a 12 pack?  So I said, I want you to dump them. Prove to me that I'm worth more to you than beer.  (When we met I made homemade wine, but I've never drank more than a glass a day.... one day months prior to this, he had been quitting and showed up at my house unexpected and seen a half glass of wine, and that was his trigger to start drinking again... when he told me that I dumped four bottles of wine out while on the phone with him... I had 7 bottles and would have dumped all 7, but he begged me to stop and just give them away. So I did.)  I reminded him of this.  That it was easy for me to dump that wine, that I carefully brewed to perfection, in my home because he is worth more to me than alcohol.... and FYI I don't drink at all anymore, even though I never had a problem.  I quit brewing wine a long time ago, and those were my last bottles....  But I don't want to drink, so I can be supportive and not a hypocrite).  Anyways, back to my story.  He refused to dump the beer.  So I said, ok give me 10.  That leaves you two.  He refused.  So I walked away and said that's it.  He begged to go to the appointment still.  I said fine.  I knew he was going to blame me for his drinking and try to make me feel like it was my fault, and he thought the counsellor would agree with him.... I actually work in therapy.  So I figured why not, maybe the appointment will open his eyes.

Saturday, he showed up at the counselling appointment.  He told the counsellor he's an alcoholic.  He was quite honest.  The counsellor basically said to him that alcohol is poison.  That he may go to work, but maybe that is what is keeping the alcohol from taking a real toll on his body.  He said you're killing yourself.  So basically you have a choice.  You either quit, or you don't.  He said you need to figure out what it is you want.  A relationship with a woman who is willing to support you if you commit to quitting, a longer and healthier life.  Or a shorter life and no relationship. 

We aren't back together.  But I went home and went fishing that day.  He showed up.  Spent a couple hours with me.  He's afraid to quit.  I am quitting smoking right now (day 15).  So I know the pain of an addiction.  Although my addiction is different.  He becomes depressed thinking he can never drink again because he does love it.  But he said he has too much to loose by not quitting.  He promised he will start going to AA (FYI, in the past I did attend one AA meeting with him but he didn't stick to it).  I believe his plan is start AA tonight.  Yesterday a friend of his picked up the last of his beer.  He did not drink Saturday or yesterday.  But I have seen this before.  I have seen him fall.  And I know he needs the support from someone who understands.   And I know he might fall again... But what do I do?  How can I be supportive?