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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Hello everyone , I am new here and need help and guidance to find meetings to attend as an enabler.
Post Info TOPIC: Hello everyone , I am new here and need help and guidance to find meetings to attend as an enabler.
Joeb


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Hello everyone , I am new here and need help and guidance to find meetings to attend as an enabler.
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I would like to find out where I can attend meeting to help me stop being an enabler to my 22 years old niece.

i am very close to her but I noticed her eccessive pot smoking and drinking are taking over her life.

i am embarrassed to say that I was providing money for her to go out.

she goes to college( failed 1 year) and now she has 1 and half year more to go,

she refuses to work at least part time

i helped her but now I know that going out smoking pot and drinking is all she worries about

i am afraid her parents are about to throw her out in The streets and this causes me much stress

i recently told her I would not provide her money and she stopped talking to me

i feel very guilty but I know this is the right thing to do

i also worry she might think of earning money illegally 

any help is much appreciated

joe



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hotrod


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 17196
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Hi Joe Welcome to Miracles in Progress. i can readily identify with enabling someone in the hope of "helping" them grow up and build a successful life. It is so easy to fall into the trap of enabling and so difficult to stop "helping".

Alanon is a recovery program that was founded by the wife of the founder of AA. Recovery starts with breaking the isolation casued by interacting with the disease. Meetings are held in most communities and the hot line number is found in the white pages.
It was here that I developed constructive tools to live by and found a supportive group to practice using these.

Accepting that I was powerless over others and that my idea of "Helping" was actually very destructive and hurtful to the person I wanted so much to save ,that I was soon able to change my actions. I learned how to respond and not react and to trust a Higher Power

There is hope and help Please check out meetings and keep coming back here as well.



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
Joeb


Newbie

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Thanks so very much for taking the time to reply and for your help
Sorry also about the loss of your son and I admire your strength
Joe

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Jerry F


~*Service Worker*~

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You are in a large family now Joe...MIP is huge and huge on recovery...We know enabling well and also know how to change its direction.   Stick around with us.  We have online meetings here twice daily and Betty has directed you to how to find meetings in your area.  You are not alone as our program is world wide.  Good luck finding the meeting and keep coming back.   smile



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Debb


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1661
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Welcome to MIP Joeb, I  congratulate you on recognizing that Al-anon

meeting will help you and I think this link will help you locate a local

meeting in your area.

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/local-meetings

Please keep coming back to let us know how you are doing!



__________________

 "Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it

does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown

Debbie
Iamhere


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 11569
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I too want to welcome you Joeb to MIP. Jerry is spot on - we here are a family and truly understand your situation/emotions. There is a better way to get to the other side and continue to love and assist without enabling and supporting (bad choices/disease).

So very glad you are here and welcome to the family!

__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Hello everyone , I am new here and need help and guidance to find meetings to attend as an enabler.