My sponsor is so sick at the moment so I'm just coming here to reason some things out in my mind, typing it out helps me make sense out of nonsense and what I just need to let go of.  I hate to burden her in any way right now. 

First off job is AWESOME .. I really can't believe that I have been so blessed I am walking on air.  Getting through close will be an experience.  So far it's been so interesting and I'm learning a lot.  I'm looking forward to the career here.  I can see myself here like I have not been able to see myself at a place before. 

XAH is seriously something else .. LOL .. his FB page is open and my daughter clicked on it of her own accord and was like OMGOSH mom .. dad makes me so angry.  He's got posts about Jesus, if people need a ride to church and so on .. I'm telling you if you didn't know he had children .. you would never know he had kids .. there is nothing there about kids or anything.  I'm absolutely stunned at his hypocrisy regarding the situation we are in the middle of.  It makes me laugh in a sad way too.  He just digs his own holes.  One of my girlfriends periodically checks on his FB page and I started laughing at the text I got from her .. she was telling me some stuff and adds that man just makes me physically ill after everything he has put you and the kids through and this is his mentality .. it's ok .. you know .. it just is what it is and it's just not my problem anymore.  My only concern is making sure I get the support I am entitled to and that's it .. he could fall off the face of the earth and nothing would change. 

Something happened at court however I haven't heard anything so I'm just waiting to find out what is going on.  I kind of get the feeling his atty grabbed the new paperwork, told my atty they are both crazy and just is ready to move on .. so I'm just waiting to hear what the new deal is.  I'm very angry with her because she sent that paperwork without me seeing it and it's not the paperwork I'm signing .. so we'll see.  I let her know that nothing should ever go to his atty without my approval because I didn't agree to anything at this point.  

So that's on hold.  

I'm trying to be patient and let the money stuff sort itself out.  It's one of those deals .. money is coming .. however .. it's just waiting for it to hit at this point.  I'm hoping I can squeak by until Friday of next week .. things will turn around when I can finally get a steady check coming in and I really won't need his money .. it will help a great deal when it comes to the kids.  I'm hoping he now hasn't decided to do something stupid like stop paying yet again .. LOL.  Nothing would surprise me. 

I feel pretty solid emotionally .. it's just been kind of hard at the moment .. if I can just get through the next two weeks things will turn themselves around totally .. it's just getting to that point. 

Hugs S :)