The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My AS has really done it this time. He saved enough money to buy a 500.00 car. He had it less than a month. Last Thursday he rolled the car into a ditch. He was going South driving into the North lane. Lucky he did not kill himself or anyone else. He was very drunk. He has a fractured vertebra in his neck, concussion, 3 broken ribs, full body road rash and broken teeth. He was thrown from the car. My hubby and I went to the emergency room to see him although we have been estranged from him for 8 months. My husband is helping to get him to his dr. apptments. I am sooooooooo ANGRY with him that I want nothing to do with him. I am feeling so guilty about these feelings but I have had enough. He uses us and calls when he is all messed up and drunk. Wife is devorcing him and he has a beautiful 2 yr. old daughter. They have a restraining order. He is a violent drunk who has assulted my husband and his wife. We are suffering with broken hearts. I was hoping someone on this site could give us advice or thoughts of how they cope with this terrible disease.
Aloha T and welcome to the board. I understand your feelings and thoughts as I have been there and done that myself. My family is rife with alcoholism and therefore alcoholic experiences. What I would like to see grow in my family is recovery and I don't preach, demand or anything else like that...I show example...best I can do. Anger is a waste of energy...might be better to use that energy to get to a face to face meeting of the Al-Anon Family Groups in your area and sit and listen to your story coming from the spirits and hearts of others who have also been there, done that and no longer suffer from it. You have found the MIP family made up mostly of Al-Anon members who have gotten their lives and laughter back from those rooms and left their alcoholics to the responsibility of getting themselves sober. Trust God...Clean house and Help others is what we do. Our program works when you work it. Take time to read the past posts of others who come here and learn where they have been, what they found out and what it is like for them now. Keep coming back (((((hugs)))))
SAyLay Welcome to miracles in progress. I can readily identify with the anxiety and pain of which speak. Alcoholism is a dreadful, chronic, progressive disease that can be arrested and never cured. We who live with the disease did not cause it, cannot control it and cannot cure it. As a result of living in the insanity, we too develop the need for a program of recovery for ourselves. AA is the recovery program for the alcoholic and Al-Anon recovery program for families.
Al-Anon has face-to-face meetings in most communities and the hotline number can be found in the white pages.I too had a child who suffered from this disease and I know that Al-Anon meetings,members and constructive tools saved my life and sanity.
I urge you to check out these meetings and keep coming back here. There is hope.
Welcome SayLaV. You have unfortunately discovered what all friends and family members come to realize...that we didn't cause it, we cant change it and we cant control it but we can contribute to our loved one's disease with our own actions and reactions. As the mother of an alcoholic son, I have known your feelings of anger, fear, and heartbreak. Alcoholism is unparalleled when it comes to breaking apart families. The only tools I've found that work in coping with this disease are those I learned in Al-Anon. There is no cure for this disease but we can learn to live a life with moments of great joy and serenity. I urge you to find an Al-anon meeting near you and attend at least 6 meetings before you decide if Al-Anon is right for you. And of course you can come here anytime to get a good jolt of program to keep you going. It's a very hard road but in Al-Anon you will find the help you need and friends who will show you the road out. Good luck.
SayLaV - I too welcome you to MIP. So sorry for what you are going through and completely understand and can relate.
Al-Anon has given me the tools to be different, think different and feel different about the A(s) in my life that I love. This disease sucks the life out of all who are touched by it, and Al-Anon can help you find joy and peace again, in spite of what he is or is not doing.
So sorry for the chaos and drama - it's unfortunately part of the disease. Keep coming back and know that you are not alone!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
