Prayers and positive thoughts all around.

Praying that your visit goes perfectly!! {{HUGS}}

-- Edited by Iamhere on Sunday 31st of January 2021 11:21:04 AM

Bravo!

I'm so glad that you got to see him, and I hope that you found some peace with your visit.

You all are simply the best - huge (((Hugs))) for all....

I love my son(s) and it was great to see my active one. For those of you with substance abusing children, you know how it pains your heart when they appear off the rails. I have mixed emotions as I've known him forever....his lovely heart and his absolute potential are still buried under the substance abuse but my recovery and serenity for this moment on this day tell me I need to focus on what is good. So, with the intent of giving hope, here's where my mind is at...

- He was clearly under the influence of something. With that said, he was not trashed (finding the positive) and the time spent was a bit uncomfortable but reasonably pleasant especially compared to other moments in our history.

- I watch the grandson on M and Th evenings, so the baby got to see Uncle A, and both seemed to be genuinely happy to see the other - and had fun! A part of me was sad as I wish they would see each other more often and under different circumstances (wanting 'normal') but my recovery and serenity for this moment tell me that seeing them both genuinely smile and laugh together is a gift that's been infrequent so I should cherish the moment.

- The grandson fell on the step outside, and skinned his knee! I was not aware that this 'Royal Baby' despised band-aids, so added to his distress over the ouchie by trying to bandaid it! My active son was trying to hold him still while I tried to apply the bandaid - needless to say it was a 5 minute struggle that, once we had success was completely undone by a quick yank/pull by the baby who then cried even more. When I shared the ouchie event with my other son (the oldest child back in recovery for a short time), he snarkily suggested I wasn't watching the baby 'well enough'. I gave the eye glare but said nothing....(thank you program)

- My visiting active son shared he'd been to Colorado for a vacation. I choose to not ask too many questions, as I know exactly why he ventured there and it wasn't for the scenery. *sigh* on this one, but I once was 'him' regarding this activity so truly can not judge.

- He did share that he's got tons of extra cash as he's paid off his court fees/fines. He shared a few purchases, and I kindly reminded him that we needed to switch up the discussion as I truly don't want to hear about his great buys and his trips and other since he still owes me money. Thank you program for for teaching me to say what I mean and mean what I say but not say it mean.

- The grandbaby was a bit fussy beyond the whole ouchie thing, so that was a distraction all to itself. He ended up wetting through his diaper which has never happened on my watch. Of course, this realization happened when my recovering son was getting ready to go, and - Yes - you guessed it.....the snarky child suggested it was my fault because I don't change his diaper often enough. I again gave the glare and said nothing (thank you program).....however, a miracle happened. (at least a small one for my world) -

My AH & my AS BOTH kindly suggested that was out of line. So - the 3 way debate began and that's when I departed from the room as it was a bit heated - they all want to be right and they all want to get the last word in and I used to play the game too. But, this program has taught me that 'winning' in this game is actually just getting up, leaving the room and keeping my serenity.

My oldest did apologize after asking me if I was OK (since I left the room)....apology accepted and we all rolled on.

So - while my active son was clearly not sober, he was functional. While he's doing and being well below his potential, he's doing and being reasonably well - paid off court costs, still has a job and a place to live, missed us enough want to come over, was mannerful, etc.

The mom is me hates the blank stare from the eyes of my active son. It's that blank, lost stare that causes me fear of the unknown. If I use my program and hold on to what is good vs. what is not so good, I am at peace with the evening. It's when I consider the past (how he was) and fear for his future that I go 'off the rails'. For this moment in time on this day, I choose to see and hold onto what's good.

Thank you MIP, thank you Al-Anon and thank you HP for giving me the freedom to choose a different attitude and a new set of glasses!

(((Hugs))) to all - off to golf - back later....

Thanks Serenity - I love when I am able to use the tools we learn here! It's not always easy but the outcome is so much better when I can...

Thanks for the prayers too for my boy!

You're welcome serenity47 - there is always hope.....so I believe!!