The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am trying so hard to stay focused on what matters, and letting go of my BF. It's been since Friday when he ended things with me abruptly, and has not contacted me since. I feel so betrayed. He recently moved 45 min away from me; I know he will be coming my way to go to a class this weekend. I'm really hoping he reaches out to me so we can talk. I still can't help but hope he apologizes for how disrespectful he was to me. I know I shouldn't hold my breath waiting for it, but I am. The anxiety is crippling. I'm so afraid that the weekend will pass, and he won't reach out. I'm obsessing over the outcome. I am struggling to be present. I'm losing sleep. I'm sick over this. I really did feel loved by him.
RS, expectations with an alcoholic can sometimes go unmet and is generally the norm. I drop my expectations, let go and let god and take one day at a time. I would also work the program so that I could live with more peace and clarity. {{HUGS}}
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
Hi RS It is very important to live in the reality of what has transpired in the relationship Your exbf "thinks"he has ended the relationship and told you his truth.
You need more contact to feel closure . It is then up to you to search out support so as to be able to accept the truth of the situation and not create a fantasy as to what you need from him.
Alanon meetings are the key . It is here I learned that" acceptance" of a situation (instead of fighting for a different ending) was the key to letting go and moving on. Please try to find a meeting this weekend
(((RS))) - so sorry that you're anxious over 'the future'. Living in the moment and staying present may help you to find small amounts of peace to carry you forward.
The program has taught me that I can not project my value set onto another. So, when there is chaos, would I love to have a discussion and resolution? Yep. When there is radio silence, would I love to have a discussion and a reason? Yep. When I am lied to or deceived or let down, would I love to have an apology? Yep.
The Yeps represent what I am comfortable with and what I have adopted as parts of my value set. My sponsor has to remind me that others do not think like me, act like me nor do they value the same things. Acceptance of others, exactly as they are, where they are and having no expectations of others, alcoholic or not is the best way to keep myself going forward vs. stuck or dwelling on the past.
In my world, Alcoholics are not the only folks who let me down. I have worked to apply the principals in all my affairs, and when things go different than wanted or planned, I hold onto my HP's hand knowing that he truly wants me to be happy, healthy and whole as an independent person - self-reliant for my joy and peace.
One reason why my sponsor tells me to write about 'it' is because I am a visual learner. When I sit and write about an issue/situation that is baffling to me, it is in black and white that I see where I am trying to impose my will into the picture. She also suggests talking about it as that's the best way to help release me from the bondage of my self will. And then lastly, she suggests I pray about it as that's been the easiest way to turn it over.
Engaging in the program will help you through times like this. Keep reaching out and we will be here for you!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you all for your thoughtful responses. Some of this is difficult to hear, but I know it is the truth. I hope that someday when I come out on the other side of this, I am able to pay it forward and help others the way you are all helping me. Thank you again for your kindness :)
