The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just received a Facebook message from my 36 year old alcoholic son's half-brother. Not too long ago this young man angrily blamed me for my son's problems and I didn't think I would hear from him again, but tonight I got this:
"Wanted to let you know (my son) seems to be developing some mental issues. He doesn't seem to have a firm grip on reality, he's nearly always drunk as far as I can tell, homeless and getting beat up all the time. He's been banned from the hospital where he's gotten some help in the past and banned from the homeless shelters that I know of. Your concern that he's dead may not be far off. He needs some help."
This hurts me more than I thought possible. I have done everything I can think of but my son is determined to destroy himself.
(((Terry))) I can so understand your pain and anxiety after receiving this news.i am so sorry that your son is so sick from the disease of alcoholism and since I had a son equally afflicted,I can assure you that alcoholism is a chronic progressive disease. It can be arrested but never cured. Since this is so please accept the fact that you did not cause this disease, cannot control it and cannot cure it.
Alanon is a fantastic program for family members who live or have lived with the disease of alcoholism. Living with the disease causes many to develop negative coping tools that are destructive to our own health and well being.
Face to face meetings are held in most communities and the hotline number is in the white pages. I urge you to attend and keep coming back here there is hope and help.
By the way if I were to respond to the Face book posting I would simply state:"I am so very sorry to hear this sad news. I will continue to keep him in my thoughts and prayers"
((((Terry)))) Betty is right on and I'd like to add that along with Al-Anon for you might you also suggest that your son see if the local AA Central Office have recovering alcoholics that make "dry" or face to face calls to alcoholics in need. That works if someone is willing and experienced at doing it. Hold on...Trust God. ((((hugs))))
I can relate to where you are. I had to put my son out and watch him fall. Its the hardest thing I have ever done but it was the right thing for both him and me. Your son is sick but there is help for him, not a Mothers 'help' but help from others who know his journey and know how to help properly. There is always hope but in the meantime please attend alanon meetings and get recovery from yourself its the only way to help really.
I too can relate to where you are and what you feel. I too had to put my son(s) out and turn them over to God. My 'help' was not a solution; it was a band-aid for a serious disease that I could not fix, control, change or 'love away'. It's very, very hard and my instinct was to retrack my life, efforts, deeds, actions, and 'try' to fix again. But, this program taught me that was not in the best interest of my son.
Loving detachment, working this program and trusting HP has helped me through it. I would probably not respond at all....just because third party communications in fighting this disease never has been effective in my experience.
(((Hugs))) to you - you are not alone - sending prayers and positive thoughts your way. Al-Anon has carried me through the worst of times with this disease - I'd be lost and alone without it.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Yes, very hard to watch someone destroying themselves. Detaching with love is difficult when it's your own children. I had to put my daugther out for my protection and her maturity(grow up). I did not want to come between her and her botton. I learned that like us they have a Higher Power(God) and it's not Me. I also learned the more I tried to help, the woarse things got...... Kinda counter intuitive, but this diesase is cunning, baffling and powerful.
I was taught to Pray, trust God and stand on the sidelines. Also, to take care of myself, so if the Alcoholic ever comes to me for help, my house will be in order and I can provide them with the right help. If my house isn't in order, I have nothing to offer. Alanon- has taught me to trust God and put the focus back on me, I am powerless over anyone or anything else. What a relief it was to finally have this sink in and FEEL differently.
FTRVR, it is time to learn to take care of yourself, you are worth it. And like Mike B said your house will be in order and you can with stand another storm if it comes. You will be strong and ready to help if needed. Its ok to think about what YOU want in life.
