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Post Info TOPIC: It's been a long time


Member

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Posts: 22
Date:
It's been a long time


Hi,   I have not posted in a long time.  I read your post frequently.  It gives me hope that I might get better.  I think I've stepped off the deep end and I'm afraid I won't know how to come back.

i have been crying over the breakup of my marriage and my AH drinking again.  I was attending 3 or 4 alanon meetings a week before I went back to work after Labor Day.  I thought I was getting stronger.  Sure I had a few scary relapses but with the help of my sponsor I worked through it.

Well here goes with what happened.  My husband moved back home bag and baggage.  He has been out of the house for 1 year with OW.  I felt like I could forgive him his indiscretions if he promised a few things.  I thought he agreed with me on the boundaries I've set.  He must NOT call or text OW.  He must stop drinking.  

Now what do I do???  I'm not sure but I think he's been talking to OW.   I don't check his text messages because I Agree that I need to stay out of his junk.  Also, I did not give a time limit on the drinking.  Some days he cuts down and seems "normal". Other times he drinks until he falls down sleeps for an hour then gets up and drinks more.  

He has only been home for 1 week.  What have I done??  I'm scared I really took a great big leap backward. 



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Senior Member

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Posts: 282
Date:

Attend more meetins and talk with your sponsor. All I know is As can figure out how to get what they want by manipulating, by telling half truths (or flat out lies), and in the end by blaming those around them for their own mistakes.

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~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 17196
Date:

Confused, Remembering that we are powerless over others is extremely important. What boundary did you set for yourself if the he did not follow through?
I agree getting back to basics such as attending many meetings as possible and working the Steps with your sponsor will help.

The program works one day at a time if we work it.

__________________
Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 22
Date:

Thanks for support.  My boundary for myself??? I'm going to talk to him and if he can't handle the boundary then he might as well leave again. 



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Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 65
Date:

Confused, wow I am so sorry. I too had my H's OW and there were many. It is very difficult to get over and the pain of that leaves some serious scars. I pray you find some peace.

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~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1661
Date:

Confused, I agree with Betty, that you should probably get deep into the program.

__________________

 "Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it

does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown

Debbie



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 11569
Date:

Confused - glad to see you back here. So sorry for the anxiety. I also believe getting back into your program will help as well as the surrendering to being powerless over others.

Not easy but certainly better than what's happening now.

(((Hugs))) to you!

__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 



Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 22
Date:

Thank you.  I am reading my Alanon Works book as I reply.  I have revisited the first three steps.  I repeat over and over the serenity prayer and step 1. I thought I had accepted what I cannot change.  Him coming back has thrown me for a loop.  This is what I've been working on accepting.   I know I can only deal with one day at a time.  I cannot project into the future.  I do not know if this is going to work.  I just want to face it slowly.  I am very anxious and do not want to over analyze.  These are the things that I am working on daily.  Minutes in the day.  I am afraid to hope.  



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~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 17196
Date:

Confused, by allowing him back with the promise that he would not contact the OW and stop/cut back on drinking unfortunately was again buying into the insanity of the disease. Alcoholism is threefold disease, that affects the problem drinker, physically, emotionally and spiritually. It can be arrested and never cured. Without the support of a recognized support group recovery, is often elusive.

The first three steps of Al-Anon are very powerful. Admitting powerlessness and believing that HP will direct our life is very important.Ii is also important to move on to the other steps especially 11 where we pray for knowledge of his will -- and the power to carry it out.

Keep coming back you're not alone

__________________
Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
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