The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The C2C reading for September 17 speaks about "people pleasing " and how destructive this can become when we ignore our own needs and sacrifice ourselves and our well-being for the sake of others.
The reading points out that it is important to get along with others an know how to work together as this ability is what keeps civilizations together. When we go overboard, and fall into people pleasing we ignore our own needs and our behavior then becomes destructive to our own well being.
The final thoughts reminds us that we can appreciate that we have instincts for a basic reason-- to protect ourselves . Today instead of trying to banish those feelings we should try to find the balance. I am learning how to process these feelings by staying inside myself, not blaming others, looking at my motives and expectation and then reponding in a healthy fashion.
The quote is from Hillel; "if I'm not for myself, who will be for me? And if I'm only for myself, what am I? And if not now-- when?
I know that growing up in an alcoholic home. I was taught that it was important to take care of others and very selfish if I tried to take care of myself. Thinking in that fashion, I willingly took care of others because I thought" unconsciously" that they would reciprocate and take care of me. I found that not to be true, I saw that I had abandoned myself (the first to do so )- nobody was really taking care of me . What an awareness!!! I went through life, focused on others. with unrealistic expectations that I would be taken care of by others. I'm so glad that Al-Anon gave me the tools, to keep the focus on myself, live one day at a time and treat everybody with courtesy and respect, including myself.
Thank you Betty for todays reading and your service. It is a balancing act for me, at home and at work, but I have learned, thanks to Al-anon, how to keep the focus on myself, by respecting myself and to be courteous to others. Say what I mean, mean what I say without saying it mean. If I cannot say what I need to, I can easily detach and walk away. What gifts have received. xoxoxo
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
Finding balance is for me a daily conscious effort. I love that I am able to see my progress. I love that Yes and No are complete sentences. I was one who use to over-commit and then feel used when others didn't engage as I did. I was beyond being confused on boundaries, balance, people-pleasing and detaching.
I work today to put myself first. I have learned here to treat myself as if I were a dear friend. I still love to help others - it's all about balance. I also have a personal boundary that suggests I won't dedicate more of my time than another toward's their goals/happiness. I tried to carry my boys towards recovery for so, so long that it's drained me physically. I now will support their efforts if they choose recovery, but will no longer carry them to it.
Thanks Betty for your service and for the daily!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
