The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading is about making amends. The writer notes that her most profound experience with making amends came from receiving amends from someone else in the fellowship. I have not had that particular experience, but I do remember as I was working the steps with my sponsor and beginning to work on making amends how helpful it was to carefully consider others who I thought I had harmed in any way, taken for granted or otherwise not treated as I would want to be treated. It was helpful for me to first write out letters to each and then it seemed the time would present itself if I were to make amends in person. Somehow a conversation became possible, or I would see someone I hadn't seen for a long time and the opportunity would be there.
Along the way my sponsor also suggested that I maybe ought to make amends to myself- I thought about situations I had kept myself in, or times I had listened while the sickness was doing the talking and realized she was right. Every day I do the best I can do and every day I make mistakes. It has helped me to make amends to myself for those times, know that I am not in charge, and know that I am not alone.
Good Morning Mary, thank you for sharing your thoughts on the reading from Hope for Today. I attended a ninth step meeting last night and it reinforced what you have just outlined. I know when I first saw this step, I thought it would be overwhelming. My sponsor suggested that the reason I'm the working step is because I'm helping myself, let go of the negative regrets, and guilt from the past. It's all about healing myself and that was a great incentive as well.
My sponsor suggested I put myself in the top of the list and make amends to myself for a time before I attempted to make amends to others. That was powerful suggestion. The amens I made to myself weere to practie this program daily, using the slogans , attending meetings practicing these principles in all my affairs. That worked. It is important to see that Al-Anon remind me that amends is not saying ". I'm sorry" it is changing our attitudes and behavior to the person. I could easily say I'm sorry, but working on changing my attitudes is an inside job and I'm grateful for these tools.
Thank you as well Mary, making amends was very humbling and brought me
back to reality. Forgiving myself, I found the most difficult, because I always
felt as though I should have known better. Once I was able to make amends
with myself, the rest was so much easier. {{HUGS}}
__________________
"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
Mary - I too thank you for sharing on the daily as well as sharing your ESH.
I can relate so much to what Debb wrote. I struggled with amends to me as I truly thought I should have known better. I can still at times be my own worst critic on accepting my mistakes, but with this program and fellowship and steps, I have gotten better at accepting my humanism.
As with so many things in my brain, I made this step appear much bigger and scary than it was. It was actually for me a great growth step which brought me humility and tons of grace. I found it very healing to be able to admit my wrongs and be willing to accept and move on from where I was to where I am and going to.
I can drift from my purpose often, so I too found it helpful to write letters or at least talking points. It kept me focused on me, my side of the street and my amends.
(((Hugs))) to all and happy Tuesday!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Mary, Thank you for sharing your ESH. I look forward to the day when I can do that as well to help others. This message board and the daily meetings have become my lifeline.
And Betty Step 9??? gulp! I am still struggling with getting past steps 1, 2, and 3 .. Ha! but I am also looking forward to moving forward with these steps..... I am still waiting for my books that I ordered from http://ecomm.al-anon.org/shop I have yet to learn patience..I run to the mailbox everyday to see if they are here and it has just been a few days over a week and there was a holiday in there too...lol....
Thank you all here at Al-Anon.... my lifeline, my friends, I would probably be in some hospital by now if it had not been for you all. And even though I dont know you all personally, I love each and everyone of you!
