The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
After a painful weekend and thinking we are finally done bc of everything I wrote (boundary vs control) he said well I read it again today and now it's not that bad and that he is sorry we fought and he causes so many problems. Say what??? Why is it that when he ends it I hurt but I'm ok. Why can't I say I'm sorry but I am choosing me this time and we need to stay away from each other. If I was smart I would tell him that. Instead I just wrote no I'm not ok and I am working and can't deal with this now. Why do I still have hope with him? Why can't I just choose me and walk away? Is it ready that I still have hope he will get better? Probably...but why can't I give up hope, why can't I just let him go. I need help with this..
Helpangel: We are learning not to react, as we always have but to "THINK" and respond.That is why attending meetings, working the steps and sharing will help you to obtain clarity on this situation. What you truly want and how to achieve it.i.
It is recommended that we make no major changes for the first 6 months so we can regain our self esteem and stability in order to make healthy choices.
One of my pitfalls new into alanon was that I thought I had to have all the answers right now. Meaning if he was or wasn t drinking, if he would get better (right now), was he or wasn't he (blank) and fill that in with everything under the sun. I also agree waiting 6 months to make any big decisions is a good way to go provided you are safe physically. Working with a sponsor will help give you that perspective. My choices would swing like a pendulum because I was basing everything on my emotional responses. So not good .. as I grew in the program I was better able to gain clarity on what I really wanted while my XAH swung wild without dragging me into his insanity. I felt much better and clearer as betty described about do I stay or leave and allowing him to deal with his own consequences.
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Helpangel, I agree that Al-anon steps and literature and especially meetings, are the best way to deal with your doubts and fears. Let go and let God for your husband and work the program for you.
{{HUGS}}
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
