Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene

annie-dresden · Member

my chaos

Debb · ~*Service Worker*~

Anita, welcome to MIP and glad you found us! I commend you for recognizing
and wanting to change your need for chaos. It is those qualities that we acquire
from our environment that cause us great harm and seeing and wanting to
make those changes is 50% of the battle. It is good you are seeking to join
a local AA group and am sorry to hear there are no Al-anon groups in your
country, but it is there you will get the one on one support that will begin to
get you on the right track. Of course you can come and talk with the very
caring folks here on MIP as well, anytime. Face to face meetings, learning the
tools, slogans, prayers, traditions, steps, concepts and meditations of AA will
definitely lead you toward peace and serenity as well as bring to light some
of the destructive behavior we all acquired from living in that chaos/drama
of alcoholism/addiction. Please keep coming back to let us know how you
are doing.

mjferg · Senior Member

I am right there with you,my father was an alcoholic,my mom a valium user, and my grandma and grandpa were alcoholics .I realize I bounced from person to person looking for validation and love.Sometimes things were so bad at my house that I would go eat breakfast at another grandmas house,I would walk over in my nightgown and bare feet,I was probably only 4 or 5, and she would just shake her head.I just buried an ex,he died from a heroin overdose,so ,yes, chaos has been a common thread in all my relationships.We weren't together,I ended the relationship and decided to focus on myself.I picked up the phone and called a therapist and she steered me to Al-anon.I utilize this forum regularly and it has helped me tremendously.

annie-dresden · Member

Hi Deb, thanks for the warm welcome! I am trying to find my way around the al-anon program, meet people, chat rooms, etc. as I am not sure what to expect from the local A.A. group. I sent them and email with questions, like if as family I ould join the meetings at all and did not get any reply. So online I am for now. Let's see what come. I am very curious and happy about this first contact :)

Luv, Annie

annie-dresden · Member

Oh you see me :)

Do you know that show "Shameless"? It might be a bit overdone - but I grew up a bit like that.

mjferg · Senior Member

Keep coming back!

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome to Miracles in Progress Annie,
I appreciated the honesty of your share and can readily identify with the desire to search out recovery so as to not engage in chaos and confusion and destructive behavior.

Growing up with the disease of alcoholism we do develop many negative coping tools that seem to work in that environment, as a child, but are very destructive when we attempt to use them as adults .

-Anon face-to-face meetings are very powerful experiences and did provide me with the support that I needed a break the isolation caused by living with the disease of alcoholism, and provided me with 'constructive tools to live by. These tools helped me rebuild my self-esteem and self-worth as I proceeded to shed the negative destructive behavior that I knew.

Open AA meetings will certainly give you an experience of what alcoholism is like from the alcoholic's point of view.

We do have online in Al-Anon meetings herey here's the schedule and web address:

www.12stepforums.net/chatroom2.htm

Mon - Fri. at 9am EST

Sat. - Sun at 10am EST

Each Sunday morning at 10 am EST, we will be having a Spiritual meeting with a topic relating to the Spiritual part of our program.

Night Meetings

Mon-Saturday 9PM eastern time

Sunday 7PM eastern time

Each Thursday night at 9PM EST, we will be having a Step/Tradition Meeting to help new people get to know and understand how to work the 12 steps.
After going through one Step per week, and getting through the 12 of them, we then start a Tradition a week on this same night.

Thanks for the book recommendation, I have read it and it is excellent
. Al-Anon has their own conference approved literature that can be purchased on Amazon or at the world service organization website

Here is that link

ecomm.al-anon.org/iCommerce/Store/StoreLayouts/Category_BP_Results.aspx%20Downloads

Keep coming back there is hope and help

Iamhere · ~*Service Worker*~

Anita -

Welcome to MIP - so glad you found us and so glad you found your courage to share! BTW - I love Shameless!!!! So sorry you are using that as an example, but I do love the show. I actually was told of it from another program member (other side....AA) and binge-watched to catch up. It's a story-line that is all too familiar for those of us around 12 Step recovery programs...

I can relate to the addicted to chaos/drama. I am a fixer and want everything to be fixed. But, if that truly happened, I would probably be crazy again as there is still a part of me that sees some of my 'value' in being a fixer. Needless to say, there is a better way and this journey will help you get where you want to be.

I was told early on to keep an open mind and look for the similarities vs. the differences. While we often have different stories, the commonality is often in the feelings, the actions and reactions.

So very glad you have joined us - keep coming back!!

(((Hugs))) to you and all.

annie-dresden · Member

Hi Betty

Thank you for the detailed introduction! I am still looking for more info on the Step program, like the chat room you mentioned. I think this is for me.

And I already visited a chat rooms twice on another site it seems http://stepchat.com/ - not sure if this is affiliated?

I would like to join the chats, only thing is that I am in Europe, so the times are a bit weird for me. Can you give me the exact names of the chats you referred to so I can look them up? By the way, the link did not work.
Especially the Step/Tradition Meeting you mentioned- I cannot find the chat room in the list on the site you gave.

http://www.12stepforums.net/

Also I am not sure where I really belong - I am not addicted (to alcohol or drugs) but an adult child of an alcoholic, but also have been in a destructive relationship for 21 years. I think there is place for me in more groups, right?

I would be endlessly grateful for some more help here! Looks like I found my place =)

Thank you so much Betty!

Love,

Annie

annie-dresden · Member

Yes, Iamhere! I am a fixer too! Horrible! I have an advice for everyone! confuse biggrin

But people also know they can come to me at any time. And I pulled a few friends out of the suicide hole in the past. So, I am also really good at it.

But now I realized that the time has come that I fix myself - which I have neglected since ever.... disbelief

These 12 Steps seems to be what I need. And obviously a sponsor. But not sure yet, how hat works. It's my first week here =)

Hugz,

Annie

annie-dresden · Member

Debb,

my reply to you got lost, it did not post hmm

However, thank you so much for the warm welcome!

The open AA meetings are on Thursdays here - I hope I can make it this week. It s really not nearby for me and I don't have a car...

So I am going through my first week here at this Step-thingy (sory for teh expresion), as I just wrote to the others in this chat.
The questions that arises are the sponsor and how the Step program works.

And do all real life AA meetings follow the 12 Steps or are there differences? I don't know how many communities on this field exist, so I have to ask.

Love,
Annie

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi

I am sorry about the link to the chat room I tested this one and it works:

www.12stepforums.net/chatroom2.html

Here is the link to the step work board. You will need to re register to post here.

stepwork.activeboard.com/forum.spark

Good luck

Mike B · Senior Member

Welcome Annie! Glad to have you here with us. smile Keeping coming back here and sharing. It helps us all.

Debb · ~*Service Worker*~

Annie, I am not familiar with AA, but I know that there are many
on this board that are, so maybe they will step up and answer
your question. So happy you found a meeting and are attending
the meetings and stepforum on MIP!!

Iamhere · ~*Service Worker*~

The meetings we have 'here' online are posted at the top left. There is also a link up there that will take you to the chat room, which is also where the meetings are held. The times listed about are Eastern and I am the worst at trying to figure out time zones, so I'll leave that up to you...

There are folks who attend the meetings from various countries. I enjoy them and for my time zone, they either support the start of my day or the end or both.

As far as which program might help the most - only you can answer that by attending and participating and see what 'feels the best'. I know folks who attend Al-Anon + others. I know folks who are double winners (AA & Al-Anon) so it's basically a personal journey and where you feel you fit in the best. You can always switch, add, etc. There are no set restrictions that would keep you from help in the various groups.

Keep asking questions - that's a great way to learn/discover more...

(((Hugs)))

annie-dresden · Member

Thank you Betty. I already registered so I will see when I can join the chats. Weekdays only the 9 AM EST Mon-Fri suits me, all others ar in my middle of the night.
So see you there these days :)
Hug!!

annie-dresden · Member

Thank you Mike B!
I am so excited to be here actually, feels like emerging from a very deep, dark and long dive.

See you around!

Annie :)

Mike B wrote:
Welcome Annie! Glad to have you here with us. Keeping coming back here and sharing. It helps us all.

annie-dresden · Member

Iamhere,

thanks for all the infos. Yes, it seems the most effective would now be to join the chat these days. Your morning chats would be my 3pm, the only one I can do. Today I will not be able t join, but I will come over these days, promise.

My mom, who was the alcoholic in my case is not with us anymore (she died when was a kid, I am 43 now) and I actually do not live with an alcoholic. My ex hubby is another kind of destructive person which comes close to living with an alcoholic. So I guess I fit into ACOA and Al-Anon with my life experiences... However, I feel good with all of you :)

Thanks for your kindness! And see you.

Hugs,

Annie

Iamhere wrote:
The meetings we have 'here' online are posted at the top left. There is also a link up there that will take you to the chat room, which is also where the meetings are held. The times listed about are Eastern and I am the worst at trying to figure out time zones, so I'll leave that up to you...

There are folks who attend the meetings from various countries. I enjoy them and for my time zone, they either support the start of my day or the end or both.

As far as which program might help the most - only you can answer that by attending and participating and see what 'feels the best'. I know folks who attend Al-Anon + others. I know folks who are double winners (AA & Al-Anon) so it's basically a personal journey and where you feel you fit in the best. You can always switch, add, etc. There are no set restrictions that would keep you from help in the various groups.

Keep asking questions - that's a great way to learn/discover more...

(((Hugs)))

Rinn · Senior Member

Women who love too much.

Rinn · Senior Member

RE: my chaos

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene