The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
As I go through the grieving process,I talked to the family members of my ex.We are all experiencing the same things.Insomnia,low appetite,tiredness.We are also feeling so many mixed feelings,it is exhausting.First there is anger,we are angry at a dead person,yes, that is difficult to process.We are left with the pain of it and we are angry that it came to this.There is guilt,what could we have done? and there is fear.We all have the same feelings.The physical symptoms are getting better,I am eating a little more each day.I stay busy with school,but I am not running from my feelings,I am dealing with the feelings in a way that I never have before ,They aren't overwhelming me,,I am allowing them to surface,I feel them and then let them go.This is an amazing process for me.The anger has subsided for me, and the guilt is gone,I know there is nothing I could have done,I know that now.The fear is still with me a little,I don't quite know what it is all about yet.This evening I was able to laugh with my family members,we talked about what happened and we found some good things.Later I put on some music and I just sang.Soon I know that I will be able to let go completely and I will heal.Every day I feel a little bit lighter and I get more relief.I thank God for this program,if I didn't have it I am quite sure I would be close to being admitted somewhere.
(((Mary)) we are all human and tend to respond to grief in a similar manner. Keep feeling your feelings, sharing and being gentle with yourself.
Positive thoughts on the way
Hi Mary - I just want to thank you so much for your ESH. I think I've mentioned I was a hospice nurse for a long time. I was so struck by the predictable patterns that grief lay out for us.
Just like a woman in labor with contraction pain that you can set your watch to at the beginning of life... so do we who loose those we love experience the real physical and emotional symptoms you describe at the end of it.
Mostly I just wanted to say that there is no way to ever prepare for something like this. Grief is a thing that lacks a certain logic. We can't go around it, we can't dig under it... we just have to go through it.
You are clearly doing that with so much grace and truth. I too say that being exceedingly gentle with yourself and the waves of emotions is a good path. The tide will rise and fall. Let it.
You are brave and well equipped and loved and - you are doing just fine.
(((Mary))) - I understand your gratitude for this program! It's given me tools and support I wish I had found a long while ago.
Also glad to hear you are feeling better/walking through this. I too am still sending you positive thoughts and lifting you up in prayer!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
