The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My mom and I have a complicated relationship with a looooooong history of co-dependence. It's been a real challenge for her to understand that I will not get on the crazy train any longer. She is suspicious and stirring the proverbial pot and snooping out of sheer panic and the need to control.
I have managed to stay detached and empathetic for her discomfort and disorientation in this new relationship landscape of ours. I can see that it's really hard for her.
Yesterday (several weeks after a discussion that she viewed as an argument) while picking up my daughter she asked "How do you spell your last name again?" I was confused for a moment and then she said "I can't remember if it ends in on or en...." I told her. She then said "Ok thanks. I needed to know for sure because I'm changing my will".
Guess what I did? There was the baited hook dangling ever so close to me waiting for me to bite... but NOPE! I just said "ok". I then gathered my daughter and thanked her for allowing her to come over while I was at work.
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Great response LFJ . Learning to not react but to respond in a constructive manner is certainly an indication of how well you have incorporated your program tools .
Honestly - I don't mean to get all mooshy you guys... but I could NOT have done this without you. My illness doesn't allow me the predictability of knowing I will have the energy to plan F2F meetings consistently and / or traditional sponsorship. I have purchased the speaker tapes and readings and have dug in deep right here in MIP, and I can see I'm becoming one.
What was so elusive and confusing 6 months ago is becoming clearer. So I spill all of this because I not only want to thank you but I want to encourage the newcomers to hang in there! It does get better with practice and patience and the program. It just does.
