The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Not in a great place this morning. Little trigger reminded me of the past. Trying to live in the present, placing past behind me. I don't like feeling what I feel. I've reached out to my HP for calm and although present, I don't have the instant gratification. I think that I need to learn that God will help me in His own way at His pace. My readings help and Al Anon is there. I just need to breath and recognize that I'm not steering this ship right now.
Hi Bill remembering that program is a process and that by looking at the past, feeling the feelings, sharing about it , examining my motives and my part, my HP is able to show me the lessons I needed to learn so I could grow .
Dwelling in the past is a little different and destructive to my well being. If i sit about and think "I should have, could have " or" they did this and that, they were unkind " then I am not growing but am feeding anger and resentments and hurting myself .
Alanon tools such as the slogans helped me to stop hurting myself and grow. With the help of program and HP, I could sit back appreciate the past and let it go so I could live in the present and create new memories.
Great Share Bill and I can relate so much this week to what you are describing.
My present is good, no complaints, but a nightmare the other night dragged me body and soul back to the past and I was even acting out old behaviours. It took me a morning to drag myself back to my present and during that time I looked at how I had reacted, how my reactions made me feel and learnt a little more about why I don't want to behave like that. So there was good in the process as well as horrible discomfort. I learnt a little more about how to take care of myself. Now I'm just hoping that the lesson sticks this time! I don't think that I can rely on living a life without triggers, but I will learn, bit by bit, about how to deal with them.
I hope that you find something nice to do for yourself to help build up some good, new feelings.
PS I just wanted to add that the final part of my process was to forgive myself. It felt important to me to made an amend to myself.
-- Edited by milkwood on Thursday 10th of September 2015 10:11:16 AM
Bill S we still need to process our feelings
And emotions. Face our truths with your
HP holding your hand in recovery.
I still have my demons come out at night.
Its okay they need to be faced. I am not
So frightened anymore of my emotions and
Feelings. They need to be processed and let
Go of. Hopefully new ones i can handle in a
Healthy way.
Forgiveness is the key. We just need to get
Healthy enough to truly be able to go there
And be willing.
Self forgiveness and self love Is a very good
beginning to our journey.
Keep working on your side of the street. I do
Not know how long you have been at it. It takes
Time to change and grow. I have been at it for
Awhile.
I keep taking those little baby steps daily toward
Emotional health and wellbeing, hang in there. I
Am healing a little more every day.
(((Bill))) - what a great and honest share. I am sorry you were triggered and took a trip to the past/memory lane. I can relate and can share that it gets better with program work. I used to just look at a photo on the mantel and it would bring extreme sadness, anger, anxiety, etc. It was not good at all. I actually took many photos down for a while as I struggled to get through some days based on the memories it triggered.
After working through the steps and staying as close as possible to this program, I can share that when I look at them now, I can find happy memories more often than the sad ones. I have trigger months now that I am working on and it's slowly getting better, but I can so relate.
I am kind of hyper, so when I get stuck and it's difficult to still myself, I can get beyond that ucky point at times by busy work - clean a closet, organize a drawer, etc. Projects that have a start, middle and end truly help me as I can 'see' progress when I don't 'feel' it.
My hope is that you're beyond it already or that it is a faded memory really soon! Hang in there!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
