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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> HELP: Sister pregnant by drug addict/alcholic
Post Info TOPIC: HELP: Sister pregnant by drug addict/alcholic
MayL


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HELP: Sister pregnant by drug addict/alcholic
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Really need some advice. Last summer, my sister finalized her divorce from her alcoholic husband of 10 years. She and her daughter lived with me and my family during the year and a half she worked through the divorce. She was working full time, going to school full time and being a single mom. We (me/husband and my parents) helped her financially with her divorce and took care of my niece during this time. She graduated with an RN in January, got a great new job, moved out on her own and it seemed like her life was on the upswing. But in March, we found out she moved out because a man she was secretly dating was kicked out of his place and needed somewhere to live. She was "in love". We were concerned because it was so sudden and the guy had no job, no vehicle and medical issues. But then we find out the guy also was an alcoholic and addicted to pain meds. OK, again we were concerned, especially for my niece, but accepted him for her sake. My sister "didn't want to hear it" and wanted us to give him another chance. He went to rehab for six weeks at her insistence and because he "wanted to keep her and her daughter in his life." He gets out and a week later, abandoned her at a bus stop and my niece at her summer program when he was supposed to pick them up *in my sister's car* because my sister had been late the day before getting him to a meeting. Because she was coming home from *work* and was stuck in traffic. She called me to come get her after she had sat there for two hours in 90-degree heat. He'd apparently also been cruel (her words) to her all week. Huge fight later, he was going to be committed for six months. The next day, he was still there living with her and all was forgiven because he was going to go to AA. Find out this past weekend he was drinking again with her knowledge. And oh happy day, she's pregnant. On purpose. And she wants her family's support and happiness. My question for you: Do I keep offering my support to my sister, even though it allows her to keep enabling and accepting his behavior? What do I do? Why won't she leave him? Doesn't she see what's happening? I'm so frustrated, scared and disgusted by the whole thing. And afraid of how it's affecting my niece. Now TWO men in her mom's life are actively drinking alcoholics. Help me, please.



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Green Eyes


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I would highly suggest that you attend an Al-Anon meeting in your local area (al-anon.org/). You really have no control in this situation, but at Al-Anon you can find the tools you need right now to find out how to best support your sister. Al-Anon suggests that you try out six different meeting before deciding if Al-Anon is a good fit for you.

GE

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Jerry F


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Aloha Mary L...the support given by Green Eyes is right on.  I relate to your post which is so very much like my own thoughts, feelings and behaviors when I was married to my own Alcoholic/addict.  I was directed into the Al-Anon FAMILY Groups and my life changed...My Alcoholic/Addicts life changed 5 years later with one reason in support...I was no longer enabling...doing things I normally thought would be helpful many with her pleading which made the situation so much more worse.   I stopped completely and didn't keep looking over my shoulder to see how she was doing thinking some time, something I would be able to do later would change her situation.   Her situation was the consequence of her thoughts, feelings and action and not anyone elses and she had a myriad of justifications for doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.   She got clean and sober after I quit trying to get her clean and sober.   Her pregnancy is a consequence of her choice.  Her relationship with an alcoholic/addict is a consequence of her choice.  The pressure on her child is a consequence of her choices.  He life is a consequence...Take Green Eyes suggestion and look up in the white pages of your local telephone book for the hotline number for AL-ANON to find out where and when we get together in your area and come running.    Keep coming back to MIP you can see at the bottom of the board page how many do.    (((((hugs))))) smile



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hotrod


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Welcome May It is obvious you are a caring comapasssionate sister who is attempting to help your sister live her life in a successful manner.

I found that alanon face to face meetings offered me such powerful tools to do just that. As i took care of myself first, itt was amazing, to see thew results. When I truly accepted alanon principles and decided to work the program, I found myself with more free time and much Kinder that ever.

Please know you are important and by attending meetings to help yourself you are opening a door to a great positive adventure.

Keep coming back.

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
Iamhere


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Welcome to MIP MayL. So glad you found us and glad you found your courage to share with us.

You are not alone - we all are here because we are powerless over someone we love/live with that's an alcoholic. It's frustrating, maddening and damaging - all in one! This disease is far-reaching too - it affects the family unit well beyond the one actively drinking.

I too believe attending Al-Anon meetings would be so very helpful for you. The program gives you the tools and support you need to determine how you can support without enabling and how to set boundaries with love so that you can detach from the chaos and drama.

Keep coming back here - we're just a post away!

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
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