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No matter how bad it gets, it keeps getting worse! This morning I couldn't find my glasses. Last thing I remembered they were on the bed. So I was looking under the bed for them. I didn't find my glasses. I did find a digital recording device. My A has been listening to all my phone conversations that I have had with family and friends. Hoping to find some sort of incriminating evidence apparently though the things he were the maddest about where things I had said about him that he didn't like but that were completely true. I go in my bedroom to talk on my phone because he skulks around listens to me if I talk Anywhere else so since he couldn't overhear me good enough in there I guess he thought it was OK to put a recording device under my bed. I am beyond devastated. I feel so violated! When I confronted him with the recording device he told me to give it back to him. I told him no and walked back to my bedroom and he grabbed my arm to try and get his device back I ran away from him and stumbled a bit and fell. then I threw the device into our koi pond because I didn't want him to come after me again But I hoped it was broken.
I didn't think I was hurt at the time. I was so angry and felt that this met the definition of assault so I called the police because he still refused to leave when I told him he needed to get out right then. The police came, he admitted to them that what I was saying was true. Turns out he broke two laws that he could get arrested for by doing what he did today If I decided to press charges. So in my mind at the time when the cops were there, since he didn't hit me, it didn't really occur to me to press charges. I also didn't want to press charges, because if I pressed charges he'll be in jail and he won't be able to get the rest of his stuff out of this house, and I really need the rest of his stuff out of this house in order to survive because I'm going to have to clean everything up and rent out some of my living space in order to be able to make ends meet and pay the mortgage. Though they didn't arrest him, they did make him leave.
I didn't realize it at the time because my adrenaline was flowing so high but I injured my knee during the scuffle for the recording device. I went to my clinic because it's only a few blocks away, I didn't think I could drive to the emergency room which is completely on the other side of town, but the clinic referred me to the emergency room because they don't have x-ray yet and they thought I needed an x-ray. They were going to have a taxi bring me there, but traffic is so horrible in my area that the taxi couldn't get there for another hour and a half and I was in to much pain to sit there and wait that long so I went back home which is where I am now. I don't know how I'm going to get to the emergency room because my knee hurts too much to drive, and I don't have anyone to drive me. My son doesn't drive he takes the bus everywhere. I'm so exhausted and emotionally drained that rather than try to get to the er tonight i'm just going to try to get some sleep. Maybe it will feel better in the morning and I'll be able to drive myself. Or maybe one of my neighbors will be able to take me.
I don't know if I can still change my mind now and still press charges. I was already furious, but I am so much angrier now that I've realized that I am injured!! I'm not sure that I've ever been this angry in my whole life. The police gave me a hotline number to call before they left, and my doctors office has also referred me to counseling and says that somebody will call me soon from the counseling department. I do plan on going.
At the very least I might be able to use the threat of charges against him to make him behave long enough to get his crap out of here! The police want him to call them when he wants to come over here and get anything and want to standby while he gets it. They told me to call if he shows up without them, which I will do.
If I wasn't in so much pain right now I would be packing up all of his stuff! And now I've probably lost my Sunday weekly gig too. I am certainly not doing it this Sunday because I can barely walk right now.
-- Edited by JukuVee on Friday 4th of September 2015 11:11:25 PM
I am so so sorry this is happening. I hope your knee feels better soon, but I also hope you can get it seen to quickly. The medical records will probably be important as you go forward. I am not a lawyer, but from what I can understand, you can still press charges even though it is not the exact moment of the crime. I know there are many factors involved in what you decide, but I hope that you won't refrain from pressing charges just because you want his stuff gone. I bet someone from the counselor's or a domestic violence shelter would be helpful in talking through your options.
It seems clear to me that your addict has gone round the bend and the insanity is pretty high in him right now. Recording you and then getting into a scuffle - these are very worrying things and it seems to me that your instinct to be very alarmed and angry is right on. I know that we can't remain incredibly angry forever, and sometimes when the anger starts to fade I've started to doubt myself - "Am I overdoing the anger? It's so complcated to follow through on this. I just don't know if I have the energy." A number of times I've found myself back where I started because I was second-guessing my anger. I wish I had followed through on the anger the first time, and I wish that for you too! Take good care of yourself. This is serious major-league craziness and you deserve better!
I am so sorry that this is happening. It is not ok.
I hope that you are able to get your knee looked at. I am not a medical professional, but I do think that it is important to have that looked at.
I also believe that you can decide to press charges at a later date, especially so close to the incident. I bet a counselor or someone from the hotline could talk you through your options.
Take good care of yourself.
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
JUV, I too am very sorry that this has happened to you. Please take care of your knee, and maybe contact an attorney for some advice on how to proceed with the removal of A's things so that you are not subjected to his anger again. Also, maybe legal advice on how to keep him away from you and what rights he has violated by causing you injury and recording your private conversations. Please continue to go to face to face Al-anon meetings and work the program steps, because both will give you the support that you need right now. He has definitely crossed the line and feel that you should get all your legal ducks in a row for your protection. {{HUGS}}
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
JUV, I am so sorry this happened to you, though I am glad you are safe for now. I was worried and thought some explosive outburst was about to happen and, while not glad at all you are hurt, I'm glad it was not worse. Of course you can press those charges or look into it if you want. If he could do something as sick as bugging your room, he could also stalk you and act really crazy...so I would utilize the police and counseling. You might need a restraining order later. I don't know and am not trying to scare you. I do know that cracked out people act extremely paranoid and unpredictable so you have that adding to what his ordinary angry and suspicious reactions might be to this situation.
Agree with the others, make use of all the help available, ie cops, attorneys, protection, womens welfare, etc. All the best.
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You are young, my son, and, as the years go by, time will change and even reverse many of your present opinions. Refrain therefore awhile from setting yourself up as a judge of the highest matters. Plato
(((Hugs))) - my hope is your knee feels better today and you can go and get it looked at if that's required. I have to suggest that if it were me, I'd move forward 'as if it were another'. I agree with what's been said, this is not OK. You've been violated on several levels and none of them are OK.
I too agree that it is not too late to move forward with charges. It is possible if you call your local police station back that they will come over, take additional statements and give you a ride for treatment to the ER (if needed).
This disease is progressive and while you can not control or cure him, you can help yourself and put yourself first. I too am so sorry that you find yourself 'here'; and like pinkchip says, I am so glad that you are not hurt worse.
Know that we're here for you and just a post away!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I know I can speak from experience on this issue now mine wasn't doing crack he was highly unpredictable and the straw that broke the camels back was the weekend he had the kids. I had just found out he was having people follow me home (one of the kids was sick and I still had to go and get the other one .. I was so upset to walk out my door and surprise the person who had followed me home!!). The weekend he had the kids he spent grilling them for over 48 hours over my "special friend" and how they had met him .. I have not been out on a real date or really even interested since we split up. I have moments .. however .. that's about it .. I'm then reminded of crazy and say no .. I'm good!! LOL! As he was grilling them I was being accused of sleeping with a co-worker of his via text .. what he didn't know is I know the man's wife .. and there is just no way. I did call the sheriff and when the officer met him .. I thought I had Barney Fife no lie .. the guy kept asking the same question and I was like DUDE .. what are you DOING?! Well turns out he knew what he was doing because after XAH left he looks at me and says that guy is NOT ok .. keep in mind I lived in the country at the time and his exact words were .. if he goes wrong I don't think we can get to you in time. So after that it was pick up and drop off at the police station and when he started acting semi right it was at the corner McD truck stop .. I was instructed by 3 officers during a very short time to get an OP and that did it for me. My XAH violated that Temp OP 2x in the first week was given a warning and then the last time I had to say NO .. this is not ok because he tried 3rd party contact through our daughter. This was after a horrible visitation which I won't bore with those details.
My point is .. I do NOT trust anyone who is in an altered state of mind .. you absolutely can NOT predict their behavior. What they would never do sober happens in an instant when there is only impulse responses. I was in a marriage where that X physically laid hands on me ONCE and I want to stress that it scared me so bad that I knew no matter how codie I got that was not going to happen again because he did almost accidently kill me. He put a pillow over my face to stop me from screaming. For whatever reason at the last second he got a hold of himself and I was able to RUN!! So this is very seriously stuff and you should take it very seriously .. granted you need to do what is right for you .. now that I have kids ohhhh hellll nooooo .. no man is ever going to lay hands on me or be allowed to be in a place of power to think they have the right to do so. If they will do that to me then my immediate concern is he could turn on my kids.
Please DO take advantage of what has been offered and here's the real deal what I saw in the courts and I spent a LOT of time there my Temp OP lasted for 8 months .. LOL. It became a standing joke in the courts. About every 2 weeks we were in there to delay yet again thanks to my X's atty. I represented myself .. thank God I didn't pay my atty for that one .. LOL. My point on that is the courts will only take you as seriously as you take the situation .. if they see that you are willy nilly about it .. the next time they will take a pass on things and what that means is you will wind up having to get seriously injured. I saw women mostly who had been in and out of this Judges courtroom and while he wanted to help them .. he couldn't do so easily because they start feeling that wolf is being called and there is a sick dance going on. Maybe that shouldn't be the case .. however they have to put resources towards people who want to help themselves.
You may be able to get your divorce for free as well as the counseling you are wanting to participate in. So I just encourage you to keep your options open while doing what is best for YOU. Your AH can get help it is available to him .. he's going to have to figure it out.
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
We are not legally married so no divorce necessary. The man can barely function which might be a point in my favor. I don't see him getting an attorney or trying to sue me or going through anything like that. It requires too much organization. My knee does feel little bit better today but I'm still not sure if I can make that drive all the way to the emergency room so I'm calling around to see if any of my friends are available to taxi me. Thank you so much all of you for your care and support. It feels like a life preserver in a huge empty sea.
-- Edited by JukuVee on Saturday 5th of September 2015 01:55:33 PM
I hope this has worked out OK for you. IN my experience, as soon as they see your knee in the ER, and you tell them who was responsible, there will be law enforcement and/or social services coming in asking if you want to press charges.
