The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am the girlfriend to a sober alcoholic. He was sober for 5 years when we met, then relapsed a year into our relationship. He's now been sober since July 28, 2014 but last week I found out that he's also a sex addict. I was absolutely heartbroken. I'm feeling betrayed, sad, depressed and worthless. Although he never cheated on me physically, it's still extremely painful to know what he was doing behind my back our entire relationship. He's always been really good to me and he treats me extremely well. Right now he's 9 days sober of his sex addiction and we're currently in therapy to work on our relationship. I'm happy my boyfriend came clean and told me the truth about everything. We want to get married so we're working everything out before we tie the knot. I always felt like I was everything to him (he sure does treat me like a queen) but now I feel otherwise.
Right now I need help remembering that I cannot control his sex addiction and I didn't cause it. I did really well with his first drug relapse but this is much more difficult. I feel ugly, worthless and like I will never be good enough for him. Before a week ago, I always felt gorgeous and confident. Now it's all gone. He keeps telling me that I AM good enough and his addiction got the best of him, but it's still extremely difficult to face. I plan to continue to support him in his recovery, especially since he's being honest with me about everything. He's been going to AA 3 times a week for the past year and now he's going to SAA 3 times a week also. He does know that this is his last chance though. I can't put up with anymore pain if he can't stay sober. But I'm feeling hopefully with his recovery because he's extremely dedicated.
I'd appreciate any support and words of wisdom.
Thank you!
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Mandy
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Sobriety is not about the destination. It's about the journey.
Welcome Mandy22 to MIP and thank you for having the courage to share you experiences with us. Although we cannot advise you directly, we can suggest that you may find continued help in Al-anon, due to AB's alcohol addiction/sobriety and finding a local chapter in Al-anon would be the best way to get support to help with your anxieties and fears ... http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/local-meetings Also there seems to a support group for sex addictions as well, I do don't have any experience with sex addiction, but here is one of the organizations that offers support ... https://www.sanon.org/ Please keep coming back and let us know how you are doing and let us know if the sex addiction support group can help you. You are not alone Mandy.
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
Welcome Mandy, I agree with Debb. Please search out a recovery program for yourself. It is in these rooms I discovered that I had a part in the insanity of my life(My negative self defeating thoughts and beliefs) and was given new constructive tools to live by.
Please give it time Mandy, you don't have to get married right away.... time lets everything come to the surface, make sure he doesn't have other addictions, give it time..... and get deep into Alanon.... linsc
Hello Mandy and welcome to MIP. So glad you joined us and so glad you found your courage to share!
It is not uncommon at all for those of 'us' who have addictive tendencies to cross-pollinate - replace one for another. It is something we watch for and be on guard against. One great thing about 12 Step Recovery Groups, no matter which it is, they all recommend sponsorship. It is in the honest sharing with a trusted person that I often become enlightened to my behaviors that are not forward-facing.
So sorry you are here because of these tendencies. Know that you aren't alone and we're just a post away. I am a double-winner, AA & Al-Anon. I am one who believes if a person wants recovery, and works for it, there is redemption. I too would suggest you seek support through Al-Anon and/or other resources so that you can make the best choices for you and your future. I also agree that, "When in doubt, Don't".... applies...That's one of many slogans that we use in recovery to help us make fact-filled decisions vs. emotional ones.
Hang in there and (((hugs))) to you!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
