The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hmmmm, well, payday is tomorrow. Just like last month, I told my wife while I was at work that I was scheduling payment on bills, etc. She hates this, because once I pay the bills, she has "no money" left to "live on" - whatever that means. It used to mean not enough money to go buy as much alcohol and whatever else as she wanted. I deal with this at work on my lunch break and tell her that I am doing it so I can get away from any ensuing argument that might (usually does) happen.
This month, it seems as though she took it well, but I haven't heard a peep from her in over 3 hours, which made me suspicious. So, I logged in to our account and see that round about the time I last heard from her, she had logged in to our account. A while later, a check was deposited and cash taken out. Now, the bank is 4 miles away from the house. I forgot to disable the truck after using it last. She isn't getting any mail at home, because she changed her address to her mom's. I am not expecting a physical check in the mail for that amount at all, and certainly not today. It is odd that she would just leave the house and not say anything to me about it, she likes to chat with me off and on all day. She left her cell phone with her mom on Friday, and hasn't had it all weekend.
I have THAT feeling in the pit of my stomach, and I am doing the best I can to stay focused on me and my day, not let whatever she is doing get to me, not worry about what might be going on, continuing on with my day as planned, let her take care of herself and be responsible for her decisions. So, instead of stewing about things, leaving work early, trying to call around and find out where she is or what is going on, I stopped by here for a dose of serenity and courage to stick with meaning what I say, and not taking responsibility for things that are not my responsibility.
I am sure this will get easier with practice. Sigh.
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Good idea to come to MIP and share Skorpi. I will remind you that HP is in control and that when I am upset I use the 1th Step to keep me centered. Praying only for knowledge of HP's will and the POWER to carry it out , works for me. We are never alone and that still small voice within will not fail you. Positive thoughts on the way
Glad you stopped here Skorpi! It does get easier with practice, and you are doing great! You are only responsible for you and your reactions. You will feel great about yourself, that you stayed inside your hula hoop! {{HUGS}}
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
Remember that "More will be revealed" - it is incredibly rare that A's have enough control to continue to keep their secrets secret. So whatever is going on or not going on, you won't have to snoop around to discover it. Meanwhile you are taking care of yourself!
Best wishes to you Skorpi. I am finding the need to start putting firm boundaries on my AH with money. He did have another source of money, but since that dried up I have noticed more visits to the liquor store from (my) credit card account.
Keep coming back and gather strength from all the wisdom on this site. It has helped me a lot.
Thanks, everyone, for helping me over the hurdle!
I am SO glad I stayed in my hula hoop! Made it through the evening not commenting on any part of this, or any related "odd" behavior. Also left this morning without AW and further comment, despite her sudden "change of plans" and talked myself out of going to get her cell phone from her mom for her.
All set for a productive and even-keel day, including keeping my cool during the craziness of the university "move in" week.
Sarah
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Been there and done that and came to understand a bit late about it when I was with the alcoholic/addict...my qualified use to do that and draw thousands out of savings and be gone for the weekend...I finally called the bank and had them adhere to "both signatures are mandatory" for withdrawals and then I closed the account. Lying, cheating and stealing are well known characteristics of the alcoholic. (((hugs)))
Skorpi - Kudos to you for using your tools and seeking to stay in the moment and on your side of the street. I do understand how challenging that is when that 'pit' appears in the tummy area.
Keep doing exactly what you can - tools, program and love, love, love the serenity prayer for times like this. It's a thought-changer for me in the insanity of the moment.
So glad you were able to stay focused on you and your recovery. Keep it up - it looks and sounds good on you!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I really love the "more will be revealed" line. Once I really believed that the HP was in charge and I didn't have to sneak around or even be concerned about things that were out of my control and none of my business (unless I want to make it my business), I could sit back and let it all play out. More was ALWAYS revealed. And then I also was detached enough that I didn't care as much.
Keep on taking care of yourself.
I'm so glad you didn't sell your serenity for a cashed check! :) You and your peace of mind, new job and your program are worth millions! Great use of the tools friend!
Good work Skorpi