The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
C2C reading for August 31, highlights the importance of keeping the focus on ourselves, honestly examining our motives so that we do not attempt to change other people to suit our desires.
It points out that prior to program we may have chosen someone who we felt would always be there for us but would not impose on us very much. ( must admit that when I worked my 4th step I found that this was one of the real reasons that I selected my husband. I knew deep down that he loved me, would allow me to do as I pleased and that felt perfect for my life.
Al-Anon has taught me that there is a difference between what I expect and what I need. No one person can be all things to me. We are asked to examine our motives and attitudes and check and see what do we expect and is that expectation realistic. It is important to respect other people's individuality and appreciate what we do receive.
Today's reminder emphasizes the fact that trying to change others is a waste of time and foolish. Instead of assuming that others are the problem, we can look at ourselves to see what needs changing within.
The quote is from Thomas Merton; "the beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves and not to twist them to fit our own image,".
This is indeed a powerful page and one I had to meditate on often. I know that prior to program, I always thought that others were wrong. I was always right and that they should change and see the wisdom in what I needed. It never dawned me that I needed to change myself. Thanks to Al-Anon, the powerful tools that enabled me to see my defective thinking, so that I could live life with courage serenity and wisdom, caring for those I love with an unconditional love. Who would've thought.
I love this one as I need to be reminded how far I've come, and boy howdy....I was one who kept trying to change others. If only they would........................... then I would ........................
What a huge waste of time, energy and mind-space that was. I'm so grateful that through this program I have learned that I am truly powerless over people, places and things. Another thing I learned here was there can be more than one way to skin a cat - in other words, there's more than right/wrong and/or black/white. This program gave me shades of gray to consider that truly did not exist in my thinking before I embraced Al-Anon.
I try today to accept and love others exactly as they are, in this moment and keep my focus centered on me and my next right thing. When I keep the focus right here for right now, my days are so much better and so much more peaceful.
Love that quote - so powerful and so spot on....
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Progress in AlAnon and in our ability to find serenity requires me to be honest with myself in all things, but especially as I consider my dealings with others. I still cringe a bit as I read this and recall some of my past attitudes and behavior.
I have always thought of myself as a very humble person, yet somehow I summoned the arrogance to decide that I was qualified to hand out advice on how others should change their lives. I thought I was helping, AlAnon helped me realize that I was not. And I certainly was not being loving.
Offering reassurance, support, and loving acceptance does more for others, and for myself, than any advice that I could give. Since AlAnon guided me to this realization and to the extent that I have been able to adjust my perception and behavior in this area, I have felt the peace and joy that only comes from not trying to control others.
This is a powerful principle, one that I need to be reminded of regularly. Thank you AlAnon, and thank you, Betty, for sharing this page and your ESH...
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
