The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The C2C reading for August 30 speaks about making daily gratitude lists as well as other Al-Anon tools that can offer many positive results in our attitude and therefore our lives. It points out that when we are unhappy we should take a moment and realize that much of our own happiness is due to negative attitudes within ourselves.oday's reminder suggests that we recognize how powerful our minds can be.
We cannot always feel good and have no interest in whitewashing a difficult situation by pasting a fake smile on our faces.( I did that so often it was my go to response to a difficult situation) is not the answer.
The reading points out that we can stop reacting in our pretend fashion, stay in the moment, think and act responsibly. We can process the situation, instead and can recognize that we are constantly making choices about how to perceive the world. With Al-Anon tools, my sponsor, and alanon friends we can make choices more conscientiously than ever before.
The quote is from Norman Vincent Peal; "Change your thoughts and you change your world.".
I never knew how to change my thoughts as they were constant-- the anger, resentment, self-pity and fear. Al-Anon taught me that I could change my thoughts by replacing the negative feelings and voices with slogans such as "How important is it?" Let go and let God, The Serenity prayer," Live and let live", "Keep the focus on yourself, using these simple tools consistently along with daily gratitude and asset lists, , my inner voices changed and I was filled with serenity. As The quoted suggests -- my world changed as a result.
I appreciate your comment about not understanding how to change thoughts, that rang true with me at a point in my life. There was a thought track playing in my mind, often with negative messages about myself and others. I mistook that for the reality of the situation. It was in fact, merely my interpretation of reality.
My personal experience, fears, and often biased expectations of others all influenced my interpretation. AlAnon helped me realize that by addressing and reducing my fears, not holding unrealistic expectations of others, and seeking to support others rather than correct or direct them, the thought track played a completely different message.
Now when I catch myself thinking negatively, I know that I must have slipped into unrealistic expectations of myself or others, that I am borrowing unnecessary fears, or trying control what I can't. Plugging in one of the slogans you mentioned, Serenity Prayer, or any of the many tools of AlAnon returns my thought track to a positive, peaceful place.
So simple, yet so powerful...when I do it. It is getting easier the more I try it, the earlier I try to catch the negative thoughts. This is a great reminder of the great power we do have and a great choice we can make. Thank you for your share
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Thank you Betty, todays C2C does make me reflect on how I process thoughts and subsequent reactions, especially when I think I can help someone or when I am interacting with family, coworkers, etc. When I sense that I want to fix someone, "Live and Let Live" is my immediate go to phrase, kind of stops me in my tracks before I say anything that remotely sounds like I want to control. When my perception feels negative, my inner voice says to me, Deborah, you have not walked in that persons shoes, so you have no right to surmise that you understand the whole picture. Postive attitudes are such a gift, beats feeling negative and resentful, and I find that even if you don't have the answers for yourself and/or someone else, during times of trouble, a positive attitude in the situation can be a blessing for everyone in and of itself.
__________________
"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
Yesterday's C2C reading aligns very well with my F2F meeting of yesterday.
One of my program friends had done a 4th step, and was disappointed in not feeling 'awesome' immediately after her 5th step. We all shared our experiences relative to the 4th & 5th step. It reminded me how open my eyes seemed at that point in my program, and how I too felt bad about my 'BP' (before program) behavior, actions, reactions, attitudes, etc. My sponsor helped me to understand that was then and this is now. I can truly decide each and every day how I want to live my life in the moment, for the hour, for the day or ....
While we can't avoid sadness, disappointment, grieving, etc. we can react differently and do differently. I love making gratitude lists as it helps me change my thinking. It's so easy for me to experience a bad event, and 'see' that well beyond the event itself. I have to stay close to my program and grounded in the principals, or I can easily slip back into my 'doom/gloom' thinking of BP.
I will stay share that it seems often for me that my first thought is not always a positive/program thought. I guess in me, old habits die hard. However, when I pause long enough to allow HP in, he can lead/direct me back to healthier thoughts and much better processing.
What a great reading and what a great reminder of how this program transforms us with the help of HP. Thanks Betty - I'm a day late but catching up!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
