The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The Three Cs - You didn't CAUSE it, You can't CONTROL it, and You can't CURE it!
Codependency No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself~Melody Beattie
Ms. Beattie writes: When we attempt to control people and things that we have no business controlling, we are controlled. For me that is a pretty profound statement, I am actually being controlled when I control!! We cannot control, change or cure anyones compulsive behavior. There comes a time when we must let go and let God and detach with love and empathy, in order for all to be free. Ms Beattie concludes that, when we control we are blocking HP and also blocking growth for everyone involved. Control is just an illusion, because when we think we are helping, but in essence we are disrespecting someones ability to do for themselves, ODAT pg. 200. By fixing, we are saying that someone is broken and is really counter productive. I feel better about myself when I honor and respect my AHs space to do for himself, whether he does right or wrong for himself, is his responsibility. It is my recovery that I am most responsible for and Ill let HP and everyone else take responsibility for themselves, when we are talking about any compulsive behavior and addiction.
Happy Sunday {{Everyone}}
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
Today's reading is such a perfect reminder for me. I may just read it every day for the next month, just to remind myself...
Have a fantastic Sunday!
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Thanks for the post today Debb, I must add that I thought i was justified in "Fixing" the alcoholic because they were broken and did not appear to have the ability to fix themselves -- I reasoned that if they could fix themselves then why did they keep calling me as they destroyed themselves ?
Love the wisdom and tools of alanon that offered me the ability to have compassion and empathy for all without having to get in there and give advise or fix anyone else but myself.
The program taught me to keep the focus on myself because that is where I had the control and where I needed to concentrate my"Fixing" ability.. I needed plenty of fixing myself as it turned out
Detaching , living one day at a time, using the slogan "Live and let Live, along with the serenity prayer , helped me to place principles above personalities, stay in my own hula hoop and live life on life's terms not my own.
Great reading and thougts. Its what the whole program
Is really about. Taking care of oneself first and foremost.
Letting others deal with their own problems and solutions.
Thanks Debb for the powerful share of yesterday! I need to pull that book out and work it again - read it with intent and purpose of recovery.....it's a great read.
I remember my sponsor suggesting to me that when I try to control and fix others, I am assuming they are less than I, and that's not the way to find peace and serenity. When I ASSume I know more, better, the answer, etc. I am acting and playing "God" and that's not my role.
I had to learn to be humble and teachable and to accept that I am one among many and while I have many God-Given talents, fixing others is not one of them. It's been a profound journey to let go and let God, but so worth it. I have so much more peace of mind realizing I can't fix anybody but me and nothing is imperfect by mistake - including me.
I am grateful today that my journey is all about living in the now and enjoying what is. Not what should have been, not what might be but what IS. When I open my mind and heart to all there is, I can see genuine beauty is every person, situation and event. Even when it's painful and/or different than planned, I now know I am to be learning. Life for me is all about learning, giving, forgiving - Rinse, Repeat!!!
Great great share and great ESH all - TY!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
