I suggest alanon to look at yourself and some of the reasons you keep inviting this into your life. You are not alone obviously, but even if you dump this guy, you still need to alanon to avoid doing this again and to heal from the damage done from having all these alcoholic qualifiers.

Hi Mystery, welcome to Miracles in Progress AlAnon board. So glad you reached out to share, sorry you are experiencing so much pain. When I first heard of AlAnon and started attending face to face meetings, I had reached a breaking point from trying to solve the challenges that I thought were unavoidable while living with an alcoholic. I was mentally exhausted, lonely, fearful and resentful.

AlAnon introduced me to some tools and perspectives that dramatically reduced my fear, anxiety, and anger, and answered many questions I had about how best to handle the things I faced. At the top of the thread page there is a Frequently Asked Questions thread that answers many questions about how AlAnon works to help the friends and families of alcoholics deal effectively with this family illness. The FAQ section also describes how to get in touch with a local meeting group where you can hear the experience, strength and hope of those who understand what you have gone through and have found hope.

I hope you are able to reach out to a local AlAnon meeting and any of the helpful books that AlAnon puts out, I believe strongly that you would benefit just as I and many others have. My thoughts are with you as you find your path, and I hope you keep coming back..

-- Edited by Enigmatic on Wednesday 26th of August 2015 08:09:45 AM

Aloha Mystery and welcome to the board.  Your post is so very similar to my story as I was also born and raised in the disease of alcoholism and drug addiction. I was so used to thinking, feeling and acting in response to the disease that it was running my life not me.  My responses and reaction were so sub-conscious that I was not aware of what was going on or that the problem was alcoholism.  I didn't know and didn't even know that I didn't know what was going on.  It took me two trips to get into Al-Anon recovery and after I did with commitment I also picked up every thing I could to understand where I came from and what I was doing.  I learned sooo much about the disease in my life and I am continuing to learn more.  I also duplicated my relationships addict to alcoholic to alcoholic/addict and others affected by the disease having the same dysfunctions that I had...I came to learn that I was doing what was normal in the disease and had to learn how to identify the signals and triggers and practice the thoughts, feelings and behaviors to stop and then change my outcomes.   You can do this also and getting into the face to face meetings getting the literature, finding a sponsor to help guide you and practicing, practicing and practicing the new behaviors on a daily basis.   I learned that if I did not do these suggestions and just did nothing I would be doing what alcoholism and drug addiction predicted for my life and then I made the decision "not again...not ever again" and stopped doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.  The 2nd step of our 12 steps says...Came to believe that the power greater than ourselves could restore me to sanity...   That last word was and still is very important to me.   Welcome to the board...look up the hotline number for Al-Anon in your area and call to find out where and when we get together in your area...and keep coming back to MIP  we are here for you and each other.    (((((hugs)))))