Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene

Broken513 · Senior Member

How do I know when....just trying to do the right thing

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

LOL...love this share. Being a Newbie is scary and rough...been there and done that. Before I got my first sponsor I heard the qualification requirement of Men on men and Women on women and so I got a woman for a sponsor....I'll show them. It got me fired cause she was a great sponsor...she knew I needed more and so she turned me over to my first mail sponsor Don T. She told me that it wasn't who he appeared to be that was important and what he did...how he walked the program and that scared me because he impressed a lot of members in our district including myself. I asked him and he agreed and to be honest I also backed him up with other male sponsors for when I could not reach him. The sponsorship I had was awesome....Don't, Bill S, Jim S, Al, and my present Sponsor. If I don't make to many demands other than they know the program and know how to work it and also work then they become the tool my HP wants me to keep near at all times. Trust...mutual trust is the glue for me and that works...for me. ((((hugs)))) smile

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Here is a great web site that reviews alanon literature This literature can be obtained at F2F meetings.

www.hilltoppers-afg.org/resources/sponsorship.php

They answer your question this way:

What is Sponsorship?

"A Sponsor is someone with whom a member can discuss personal problems or questions; someone who willingly shares the experience, strength, and hope of the Al-Anon program." Sponsorship, What It�s All About (Al-Anon Pamphlet #p-31)

In short, a sponsor is the way that the Al-Anon program becomes personalized. If the newcomer goes to meetings, reads the literature, uses the fellowship, there is a certain limitation that is inherent. When a person takes the step of becoming vulnerable with another person in the program, there is a depth that evolves that is virtually indescribable. The program comes to life in a way that it simply couldn't without that intimate, personal, human connection.
What is a Sponsor for?
A sponsor is a fellow member who practices the program in such a way as to attract others to themselves. Typically, the sponsor guides the newcomer through the steps and other nuances of the program. Getting a sponsor may seem like a monumental task; but there is no way around the simplicity: just ask someone. Using a sponsor can seem odd for some of us at first, since it involves reaching out and opening up to someone. Most of us have become accustomed to "going it alone", and we all have deep trust issues. Here are a few guidelines about getting and working with a sponsor:

Call your sponsor - regularly. Try to work out a time that is convenient for you both.
Try to go to the same meetings as your sponsor. This will put you in contact with your sponsor and the program fellowship at the same time.
Read what the Al-Anon literature has to say about sponsorship.
Be honest, direct, and compassionate with your sponsor. Remember that your sponsor is only a human being, and is prone to mistakes. If you can communicate your feelings, what is working and what's not, etc. it will help both of you.

Good Luck

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

You can copy people's shares - just respect the specifics and their anonymity. Most of the useful stuff in 12 step meetings is stuff that has been passed down or stuff that is in literature anyhow.

Broken513 · Senior Member

Thank you all...Heading to the books store now...I am not ready yet for the f2f ....when the panic attacks stop then I will start going to them. For now I will stay here. I will get the literature you mentioned Betty. I spend a good part of my day on this message board looking for a lot of answers. For the last week this has been my favorite place to be.

ps... what is the whiteboard for on my profile page?

-- Edited by Broken513 on Sunday 23rd of August 2015 08:44:27 AM

-- Edited by Broken513 on Sunday 23rd of August 2015 08:49:54 AM

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Broken You can remove you name on the posts by clicking on your name going to signature section and removing it. I see you did this
Whiteboard is for people to post an individual message to you.

Debb · ~*Service Worker*~

The whiteboard is to write messages to each other on this forum. If you wanted to

write a message, that you do not mind being public, to someone on this board, you

go to their profile and write a message. You get to our profiles by clicking on our hyper-

linked names as they appear each time we post. If you want a message to be private you

use the message feature instead, on the profile pages. I think that you are heading in

the right direction B513, f2f would be so good for you, but if you can't do them, then it

would not be beneficial at all. We have two on line meetings everyday and you can work

the steps and traditions on this board as well. Getting the literature is an excellent idea

and of course we are all hear to talk to as well. ((((HUGS))))

Iamhere · ~*Service Worker*~

Broken513 -

There are many in my F2F meeting that come with notebooks/notepads. They write down notes about shares, phrases, etc. that they want to remember, meditate on and/or save for future reference. I've seen it often on both sides of the table - Al-anon as well as AA.

Don't worry about working the program 'perfect'. It's a progress program about self-discovery and self-improvement. My first goal was to fix my As. When I found out that wasn't what I could do, it became about being able to breathe and hurt less. Once my pain diminished, and my sanity returned in part, I began to 'see' that I could work this program and become the best version of ME - in spite of what others are or are not doing, as well as in spite of how other act/react, behave, misbehave, etc.

The program has given me a great set of tools to be comfortable in my own skin, my own home and my own family. If you knew my family, you would understand the Miracle in Progress that is me!

(((Hugs))) to you - you are doing just fine! Be gentle with yourself and know that you aren't alone!

You may copy and refer to any post I've put up - I'm OK with that.....you don't know 'me' so no risk about my anonymity.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene