Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene

missmeliss · ~*Service Worker*~

:-(

tiredtonite · Veteran Member

"I know I'll regret it but I'm so tired. My heart hurts and i want to pretend, just for a moment, that I'm not alone and I have help."

Been there done that. I beat myself up at the time. Hope you won't. Got a sponsor? Got a higher power? Betting one or both would love hearing from you. Help is just a call away. And of course we're here for you too as always. You're doing just fine, just had a moment but you're program kicked in and that's what matters.

He'll go home and you can chalk it up to an experience. Hey, it's not like you ran out and married him this afternoon wink ((((hugs)))) TT

Iamhere · ~*Service Worker*~

Missmel -

So sorry that you've had a rough couple days....it happens, it happens to us all at some point - we are human and we strive to be and do better, not to be or do perfect.

The good news? We are not to dwell on the past. And, guess what - it's already in the past. There's no point in beating yourself up over any/every thing that has happened; make mental notes of lessons learned and restart!

You are a miracle in progress. You go this and we are here for you!

Thanks for your honest share girl - (((Hugs))) to you!

Jill · ~*Service Worker*~

I think many are like us. We keep taking them or going back to them, testing, until we finally reach our own limit. I have seen it is so many couples. I even see different members of the same couple trade in who goes back and who stays away. There is an end to this. With help, one of us finally gets it. We internalize why going back together is not to our benefit. We promise ourselves and then the day dawns when we keep that promise to our most important person.

Until then, be easy on yourself. You are still the woman with all of your accomplishments. You can drive. You can arrange state-collected child support. Oh you can do so much I can't name them all.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

(((MsM>))) you are human and I so understand wanting so much for some one to help- to pick up the slack . You allowed yourself to let down your boundaries and have discovered why they are often necessary although difficult.
HP will give you all you need. Trust the process we are never alone.
Be gentle with yourself --Positive thoughts on the way

Debb · ~*Service Worker*~

MissM, you are way to hard on yourself. I totally understand, I been having

the same kind of week myself as well, beating myself up about not accepting

myself. It is very tiring, but yes we have to get back to the Al-anon tools

and start at the beginning and just go over the steps again. I don't know

about you, but I wrote out all the steps, so it is easy for me to back over

them anytime I need to. Do you do that as well? Anyway, like everyone

has said, the good news is that tomorrow is a new day and that you are

a miracle in progress and it is good to hear from you as well!!!! {{HUGS}}

Yankeerose · Senior Member

Awww MissMeliss it's ok to feel lonely and want help sometimes. That's human nature. You deserve a break. One person can only do so much.

I was doing everything alone for so long. Oh sure I had a husband here but he was pretty much useless. And seeing him laying on the couch watching TV when I got home from work or seeing him get to sleep in while I got ready for work only caused me to have deep resentment toward him.

I was the "strong one" for so many years. I had to be. I said this is my cross to bear. But when he announced he was leaving us to go across the country to Montana I just totally lost it. I became weak. I almost gave up. Thank God I didn't. It took a couple months but I am back stronger than ever. Thanks to this program, individual therapy and a really great group of friends. I realize I'm worth way more than that.

You will get your strength back soon enough. Have faith. We are here 24/7 when you need to vent. (((Hugs)))

Herbalist13 · Member

Missmeliss - it is OK to be at-the-end-of-your-rope tired, unable to dredge up one more scrap of response, just wanting to crawl into a hole and please, please, could someone/anyone just bring me a cup of tea or throw a blanket on me or shut the damn phone off, something, even just for an hour. OK fifteen minutes, all right five minutes even? Now you're really feeling like your head is exploding, because of course you have to get up, function, cope, deal, take care of your child, smile, etc. etc. etc.

Point 1: YOU DON'T SUCK and you ARE NOT WEAK. You are a LIONESS. Repeat several times daily.

Point 2: This person is treating you like dirt and you don't deserve it. You are a decent, struggling, hardworking person and you don't deserve to be abused emotionally, verbally, or physically.

Point 3: You'll get through this, and if you manifest help it will come. And we are here for you. Stay strong lady! :)

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

Put down the bat, you have a lot on your plate and are trying to make the changes, however when I split from my exah we did the back and forth for awhile before I finally realized I would never move on until I really let go. I would get lonesome even for the miserable sad old cycles they were somewhat comfortably known to me. You are making progress and very aware. You have your needs and it is hard to fill up your bucket when your a single parent, going to school and working while raising another human. It all takes energy, just don't forget to stop and put some energy back into you! You deserve to get a break and to take extra great care of yourself in order to have some energy in your overflow for others you choose to dole your time into. I would be upset too if someone dropped into my busy day unannounced and decided to change my plans especially over a few days. Take good care of you and say what you need to say and keep yourself safe with boundaries. I know you know all this. Sending you love and support on your journey!

Mirandac · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs to you Melly none of this is easy, so be gentle
With yourself. Change and growing is hard work.
Never mind someone that keeps coming Back into
your life.

I have been healing daily with no contact. I have
Not seen xah since the end of june, a few informative
Emails, some forwarded mail and i get my numbered
alimony check from Him monthly.

Otherwise nothing, It has helped me to really move on.
It is not easy or Simple when feelings and emotions
are still not resolved. I wish i truly hated him it would
be much easier on me to go forward alone. I work on
Forgiveness daily.

I can only keep working on me and doing the best
I can with what i have. God loves me as i am and
I go forward from there.

((((((((( Melly)))))))

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Mel I remember learning the definition of insanity in Al-Anon and decided to learn to do stuff I had not done yet...different stuff. Just learning to say "No" because it was a very short complete sentence was rocket science to me and my alcoholic/addict couldn't come up with alternatives I would fall for. have some ((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))) and let him go. smile

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene