The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am not sure what this actually falls under, maybe all 3. I think I had an AH HA moment or a realization or well maybe nothing at all and I should have just had a V8 this morning. I was sitting here talking with my Mother in Law, explaining to her that I have joined Al-Anon and my reasons why I feel it is right for me. Her son is one of the A's in my life and she knows this. While in the conversation, I said to her, I believe this has been helping me. Even if it is just a smidgen, every little bit counts. (now here it comes) Then I proceeded to say "Maybe if AH can see that this is helping me, that I am changing, (He doesn't even know I am doing this yet) but if he can see later after he knows just maybe he will want to join the AA group." And just as I got those words out of my mouth BAM the 3 C's were flashing in front of me...and I said to her NO I cannot think like that...I cannot think that I can cure him by me getting cured...that I can control his path by my path...He has to want that, just like I want this for me. But then that can start making one crazy too and start thinking am I here for the wrong reasons? Should I really be here? Is this really right for me? It is like a double edge sword and no matter which way you turn..... and then I worry about being the cause...by admitting the I need to change is that not almost the same as admitting that I am somewhat part of the cause? This can really make your head spin!
Yes, it's head-spinning, isn't it? You are here for you. The craziness that you are experiencing comes from having to place too much emphasis on your A's afflictions. Being in a 12-step support group like Al Anon can help you re-understnad what are the highest priorities in life, not to mention more about alcoholism in general and what motivates As, what motivates us, and how to draw the boundaries between them.
Going to Al Anon has helped my AA, because I am more calm with her, don't treat her like an animal when she is drunk but still also don't enable her, and now that she is in recovery, I don't jump off the deep end if it seems like she may be drunk.
But it really has helped me the most. Any benefits to her are collateral of us being in the same family and me not being so passively controlling of her.
(((Debra)) over thinking over analyzing was a real big problem for me-- I could take a simple thought and turn it around so that it was all my fault and I was to blame for everything going wrong in the world. Alanon states: "The only requirement for membership is that there is a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend." Since that is the case for you then, attending meetings, examining your motives, seeing our destructive thoughts and reactions. are all part of a healthy participation in recovery. Keep coming back you are doing great
-- Edited by hotrod on Friday 21st of August 2015 05:59:05 PM
God I'm glad having a V8 didn't do anything for me...I might not have tried the program....LOL funny one Broken good you still have a sense of humor. You're doing good with the inventory of yourself...that is honestly the only one we really get to do thought I understand the looking over your shoulder wondering how it might be coming out with him too. I did that for a while with my alcoholic/adduct wife until the stiff neck pain got too much to handle and I just let go and let God work it out. When I did that I have so much more time to fix my life.
Kenny that was a great response from your program...keep growing mate...give that pup more time to relax. (((hugs)))
I want to share that your thinking outloud is not unusual and I too had issues with over-thinking, over-analyzing and over-processing. Yet another lovely slogan we have - Keep it Simple - helped me realize that I did not get crazy in a day and I was not going to get sane in a day. Being able to sit still and just feel in my own skin was a success in my beginning because my own thinking often made mountains out of ant-hills.
In my home and experience, there is much more peace. I work on my recovery and try to bring calm, cool, collected behavior to conversations/meals. I haven't even given thought to any changes others are making as I am just grateful that most of the chaos is far, far less frequent. I am 100% OK with my growth and the byproduct of that.
One step at a time, one day at a time, you are doing just fine. Keep coming back - you're right where you need to be!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Everyone: Thank you so much for your insight on this and ESH. My sense of humor is all I have left right now to hold onto. I have to, If i lose that too then I will have lost it all. Of course it can get me in trouble sometimes too because I have the disease of stress, anxiety and depression and I am unable to work at this time and people say wow you don't sound sick!!!! So tired of hearing that line or you don't look sick. Didn't they learn do not judge a book by its cover? I would love to trade shoes with some of them..to be what they think is normal again...or I should be careful what I wish for. Most people love my AH. They know he drinks, but they do not know the extent of his drinking...he saves that for me.
