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Ya know, Sometimes My HP Hits Me Like a Ton of Bricks, and when it is Normally "Stress Related or Drama Related" it Normally comes in way of a Migraine :/ Well its Here, So the Work has begun AGAIN...
The Addicts in my Life are Coming at me From ALL Angles Now that My Son is In College, and its Only been 5days... And the Emotions of Just Trying to Find a Flow Now that he is away has been Stressing Enough... But Honestly... I Can't even Leave my Guard Down for One Day, No Weakness Allowed!!! Or they are All Over Me, Snapping Boundaries Like No Buddy's Business...
How is that, How is it that they Just Know My Button's Enough, and Know when to Stomp on Me, and I Will Bend, and Weave and Cater? And Some of them I haven't Spoken to in Months??? Funny how that Happens Isn't it... It's a Bit Disturbing to Me actually that even 6 yrs... They Still have this Ability, and I have to Start back at ONE... And Go Another Round...
On an Up Note My Son is at College, And he seems to be Adjusting Well. He Said the Teachers he has met so Far seem to be pretty "Level Headed" (Which is Important to him)...lol Not sure he gets that from me.. :D So that has At Least Given me a Breathe of Fresh Air Knowing He is Adjusting well, and Finding his way around with Ease... My Son Always Down Plays Emotions, so his Dad ask him how his week was Going and he said "So Far... So GOOD!" So for him, He Must be doing Great to Admit that...lol Which Makes My Heart Super Happy...
Then there is the Rest of the Story... This week has Proved to be a Tough one, and all the things I "Expected" to make it So, have Not at All been It... Its been the Addicts, They Now know I'm not chasing after my son, so I Guess they feel the need to Drop their Junk in my Lap, to add to my on Going "Alcoholic Family ICK"
One of 5 that I have Counted is My ABrother going to Court, he has had Custody of His Kids for about 4yrs now, he has done Amazing things with these kids and Brought them out of the Ditch they was in when their mom abandoned them... They Get Great Grades in School, he has made them Earn Playing Sports, and I'm Really Impressed with how far they have come... Sadly, the AMother Returned back to our State, and this State tends to want kids with their Mom's... BUT... There isn't Anything we can do either way, its in HP & The Courts Hands, I believe My Bro has a Strong Case... But I Can't Make the outcome to My Favor, Nor can I Ride the Wave of "OMG what will We Do!" When A,B, Or C... "Woulda,Coulda, Shoulda" Happen...
Another was an Afamily member that brought to my Attention that they have not been coming by because they are Hurt that I Don't Visit them...lol (I Was to Know Why they wasn't Coming Around!) I Mean they had Tears & Sobbing uncontrollably, and No they are Not a Child! The Insanity IS... I Work 40+ Hours a week, They Don't Work AT ALL, I Help Take Care of My Gram, and Try to Get to 2 Meetings a week, and for what ever Reason... That is tough Just getting those things done, and Now I'm to Feel Like I'm Neglectful to an Adult that Sits on their Tale All Day Every Day... Again I Just Can't... I have Been "Giving it to GOD All Week!" and the 'Thought' of Taking ANY Of this Crap BACK, Kinda Ticks Me Off...
I Mean Really... When Do Adults Just Become Adults and Carry their Own Load. I Had to Lay in the Bed I Made OR, Get OFF My BUTT And Change My Sheets!!! Why Can't they Be Responsible for their Own Children? I have been for Mine!!! When do they Quit Blaming Others for Why their Life is so Bad? Change their Own Stars! I Know their Life is NONE Of my Business so Why Bring it here... Just Yesterday I told one of them... "They have Never come to My House and Told me How to Raise My Son, and its Not My Job to Go to theirs and tell them How to Raise theirs!" they Just Looked at Me Like I had 3 Heads, and had Just Lost My Mind... I Would have Voted with My Feet and Just Walked away, but they where In My House...lol
And Sadly that doesn't Even Scratch the Surface of the Insanity I Allowed into my Program & My Life this week... And its Only Thursday :/ Tonight I have to Go in What is to be "Pour Rain!" and Haul Items due to a Court Order for Another AFamily member, and the "A" that we are Getting the stuff From Will NOT Change the Date... And Welp... I've Done Decided!!! I'm Dancing in the Rain, and Don't Care Who Likes it!!! Cause I've Had It... And if it wouldn't be for Whom it is, I Wouldn't Bother, but they have Never Overstepped boundaries with me, and Ask me without Pressure or Demand...
That's "pieces" of My Migraine... Geesh... Wish HP Didn't have so Much Faith in ME Sometimes... I Need to get Back on My Boundary Horse and RIDE... Time to "Say what I Mean, MEAN What I Say, and Not Say It Mean... That Last one will be the Kicker... Asking for Prayers for Progress & Strength to See it Threw....
Thanks for Being Here... Thanks for Letting Me Share...
(((Hugs))) for you my friend....well - there must be a full moon or something cuz my 'natives' have been a bit restless too. I have just kept the mantra - I give it all to you HP or I'm gonna snap - running like a tape in my brain!!!
First, I am tickled pink to hear that your son has arrived and all seems to be going well! Kudos to him and to you - you raised him well and he's learned well! YAY!!!
For all the others, the best thing about technology is I can turn-off or tune-out. I absolutely love this/it. My active A son last week told me that he is not going to pay us back the money he owes us. He believes the 'debit' is the cost of raising a child. Mind you, he proceeded to climb onto his soap-box while and sharing this news while riding in my car on the way to his job that he was going to be late for if I had not helped with a ride. I bit my tongue hard in the car and then called my sponsor when I got home. We talked about it and I sent him an email that evening telling him that I loved him dearly, but his 'debt' was not my responsibility - it's court fees, lawyer fees, commissary fees, etc. (Not your typical raising a child fees).... I explained my latest boundary (the bank is official closed), and then told him not to contact me for rides, needs, wants.
I then blocked him from my phone. He texted last night asking if I was OK. I have not responded. I don't know if I will respond. I don't have to if I don't want to. I really have nothing helpful or loving to say, so ....
My other A son also only calls when he needs/wants something. Whatever....
My AH put in his retirement papers and took care of his insurance. He did nothing for me and the boys and didn't tell me about retiring until about 2 weeks ago. His last date is end of this month.
So - the crazies are all around. I agree that when I am a bit left of center, either they come out of the woodwork OR I notice them/their isms more. I can't say for sure - I would hate to admit that I attract dysfunction when I'm down, but I believe it to be a reality sometimes!
Hang in there my friend - this too shall pass. I am so grateful for the slogans and quick tools or I seriously would have SNAPPED by now. I've been spending time this week trying to do gratitude lists each day. That does help. I also went to lunch yesterday after my meeting. That was fun too!
Strap on your Al-Anon armor and do your thing. You got this girl - I am sure of that!
Glad we're on this path together my friend!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
((Jozie))) Glad that you shared and received clarity in the process. My family still acts in the same fashion as they did 25 years ago when I still reacted to their madness, tears and drama. Today, I validate myself, place principles above personalities and tell each of them I will pray for a positive outcome as that it the best I can do.
Dancing in the rain is a great tool. Take care of you. Glad your son is doing well.
Jozie, you have been having a tough week! I been finding this week a bit trying as well, when stressed I tend to be abrupt and have to rein myself in. Mainly get that way when I let the old fears rear their ugly heads. When I get fearful it is because I feel like I am losing control, but what I am actually doing by, being fearful about losing control is I am losing my perspective concerning my faith in my HP. When I sense that the fear is creeping back I should have an automatic reflex and switch from fear to faith. Faith is much more pleasant. {{HUGS}}
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
