The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The Courage to Change reading for today is all about character defects, and the role they play for us. Before program, many of us used them to survive - such as denial or secrecy. Once we find and begin to work the Al-Anon program, these same two defects that served us well often become liabilities as they stand between us and growth. The reading suggests our assets have become deficits.
The reading goes on to discuss that still others define defects of character as assets that have lost proportion. A great example is our desire to help a loved one can be distorted and/or exaggerated well beyond normal and become instead a desperate need to fix another person. In these instances, we maybe don't want to root and tear out the defect, but instead turn it over to HOP so he can help us bring it into balance as a tool for recovery.
Our reminder for today discusses focusing on our growth instead of our mistakes and liabilities. As we grow in recovery, we find that our survival tools of before are often no longer needed and those that were our of proportion can and will make our lives unmanageable if not right-sized. As we grow and recognize these defects and their affect, we can then choose healthy characteristics with help from HP.
"Sometimes we must accept ourselves, defects and all, before those defects are removed." ---- from In All Our Affairs
This reading truly summarizes my experience with the program. When I arrived, I used denial, humor, sarcasm and secrecy to exist and survive. I did not truly understand how these were keeping me crazy and sick nor how they stunted my growth.
As I began to accept life on life's terms, and work this program with my sponsor, I found some new freedoms, feelings and tools. I now have the tools I need and the self-love I need to find peace and happiness no matter what's going on around me. I now can stand in my truth with my program friends and know I am not alone and that it will be OK. I no longer rely on self and fox-hole prayers, but instead do what I can each day to stay grounded in this program and ever-aware of where I started and where I am.
So grateful for this program and to be walking the path with you all. (((Hugs)))!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks Iamhere, I found that reading and your commentary very helpful.
My friend said that at first, putting boundaries up with her mother felt like this:
The Titanic has just sunk and I'm on a lifeboat. My mother is in the water drowning and I'm rowing away.
I know exactly what she means :)
-- Edited by hiraeth on Monday 17th of August 2015 07:22:22 PM
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You are young, my son, and, as the years go by, time will change and even reverse many of your present opinions. Refrain therefore awhile from setting yourself up as a judge of the highest matters. Plato
Thanks for your share - very powerful and 'your truth'! I love the Titanic analogy - I remember that feeling when I began using boundaries with my sons and detaching.....hard, hard, hard to do but got a bit easier!
So glad you are here!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Wonderful post and so grateful for you, MIP and Al-Anon. Some of
the best lessons I learned was to come to terms with my defects,
when I did I grew. Thank you. xoxox
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
