The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Does anyone have the feeling that when you try and be social and make friends that something isn't right? It feels like I put off this vibe of insecurity and say the wrong thing a lot. How long after breaking things off with an alcoholic do u feel normal is their a "normal" class I can take?? The steps help but for some reason I feel like their is a dark cloud above me and me I talk to people it just rains.
As my A says, the only thing normal in the house is the setting on the dryer. : )
I'm a pretty outgoing person so I can't say that I can really relate. What I can say is that you're here, talking with others who understand and I hope that can help you feel more confident.
Thanks for the response :). I think I forgot how to be a friend, I guess I didn't realize how I have been behaving bc of everything going on. I didn't know that it was showing up through me too. I was so intent on fixing, hiding that I forgot what it was like to think about not only myself but the people I care about or would like to know. I find myself so nervous and saying stupid things almost a self sabotage.. I think.
Meetings, the steps, a sponsor all helped to return me to being able to trust myself and others
. The meetings and socials after also gve me the tools to learn how to be myself with others without worryig about how they liked me.
The class that I needed was held in the rooms of alanon so I kept coming back and working the program .
I agree with Betty - your 'normal' will change as you work your program and your normal will continue to change, or so it has for me!
When I first started the program, I had a huge fear of being 'away' from the home too long - it might burn down, they might hurt each other, etc. Well - I figured out that even if there was a war here, it didn't affect me as it wasn't within my hula-hoop and I had to stop concerning myself with the 'what-ifs'.
When we first begin a detachment from an A, it's hard to 'feel' normal and a 'part of'. For so long, I had isolated, and therefore felt a 'part from'. It does come back, and the program, steps, slogans, etc. truly help a ton!
(((Hugs))) - you'll get to the other side - just keep placing one foot in front of the other!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I know where you are coming from since
My marital troubles i give off very needy
vibes. I am very needy now never was
Before, always Took care of my own stuff.
We had a fairly normal life then things
Changed. That was not easy to deal with
or face. Denial is a wonderful tool but
Very destructive.
It takes awhile to get back to normal.
I keep praying for it daily. I want To feel
normal and centered again. I deserve To
be happy again without xah.
I never was social, i much prefer One on
one. That has not changed. My basic spots
have not changed one bit, I am who i am.
Hopefully a more spiritual and loving Person.
Helpangel, I think I know what you are feeling. I don't think that you are finding it difficult to be friends and be social. I feel sometimes that my priorities have changed so much since I became involved with Al-anon over a year ago and therefore when I interact with friends, I find that if they react or come across in a competitive way that it feels and appears to me to be unfriendly. That being said, my need to interact under those circum- stances definitely ceases. I would not question yourself so much, you are reacting the way you are for a reason. Interesting topic!!
Take it one day a time.
__________________
"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
I had another thought. I try to just be around
Normal and supportive people. They help me on
My journey to emotional health and wellbeing.
Negative, controlling, fixers and dysfunctionals,
I do not want in any way in my life. They do not
want you To get better and heal. They want to
keep you Down. i find i really bristle when they are
encountered.
They try to make me feel bad about myself,
In a suggestive know it all way. Funny the
supportive Good people do not do that and
They do not make me feel bad about myself
but good.
I am a good person and God loves me as i
Am thats All i need to know.
Thanks for listening everyone! I actually went to a neighborhood party last night. Didn't want too but I made myself and I had a blast! I think you all are all right! It was my own insecurities from everything that happened and when I ignored them and put myself out there I met new people and I had such a great time. The old me is coming back folks and I have so missed her! Much luv and support to all of u!
What you did is awesome!! That's where I am at my best when I venture outside of my comfort zone .. I also try not to overthink everything .. if I just go and keep an open mind and my mouth shut or partially closed then I am able to find out things about other people and myself I didn't know.
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
