The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Since I posted the C2C reading for today incorrectly yesterday, I am going to share on the ODAT reading for today
It is an interesting reflection on a topic close to m heart. The reading suggests that many of us waste time and energy rehashing old wounds and dwelling on the past and that by doing this, we live in needless dread of what tomorrow might bring.
I know when I discovered my motives for doing this , I found that I did this so as to protect myself from the event ever happening again. I thought(incorrectly) if I kept reminding myself of the incident and the pain, I would be forewarned about repeating the actions or interacting with the person that caused the difficulty.
While working the steps and the slogans, Al-Anon, pointed me to better ways of interacting in the world so that I could learn the lessons from the past and let go of the pain.
The reading suggests that we challenge these negative thoughts and fears by looking at the present moment and evaluating the good that we find their. Today's reminder suggests that we ask yourselves why do we allow ourselves to suffer? So what if what somebody said hurt us rehashing it is hurting us more.
If we stand guard at the door of our mind nothing can reach our true self. Alanon principles and tools help me to do just that .
Quote is from Ralph Waldo Emerson; "Some of your hurts you have cured, and the sharpest you have survived, but what torments of grief you've endured from evil's which never arrived."
I can remember speaking with my mother when she was very old and reflecting on her life and she said that "her biggest regret was that she wasting much of her time, fearful, and worrying about things that NEVER happened". That was a great lesson for me and I resolved that to truly live Al-Anon principles of one day at a time.
Thank you Betty for the daily and the lovely ESH! How wonderful that your mother shared that - my mom has always been a huge worrier and still is most days. It is one element of her that has been constant as long as I've been alive. I do not think she is self-aware enough to even realize it let alone identify the time spent on it....
I know that before program, I rarely if ever lived in the moment. I was always steamed about a past event or incident or worried and fretting about future events that may or may not happen. The program so helped me realize that all we really have is today. This moment in this day actually and that just brings me to a place of peace almost always as it's a gift to be aware and present to enjoy that which happens.
I still worry but not anything like before. I can usually redirect my energy too with use of the program tools. That gifts of this program are so magical and I will be forever grateful for the tools, fellowship and steps which allow me to be and act differently while existing in many more peaceful and serene moments.
Make it a great day all!!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
The first sentence of the page is so powerful to me:
"We suffer more than we need to, and often, perhaps, because we want to."
It is a startling thought that we all could spend less time suffering from the perception of our past or future. Before I came to AlAnon, if asked, I would have vigorously denied that I wanted to suffer. Only a crazy person wants that (or in my case, an insane person whose life had become unmanageable, but who thought it was because of the actions of another). Yet I kept rehashing the memories that kept me in a constant fog of reconstructed anger and pain.
Upon some deep soul searching as a newcomer to AlAnon, I realized that there was within me a strong reluctance to let go of some of the negativity that I held inside. There was a part of me that wanted others to know how I had been wronged, had suffered injustice, that I was the good guy.
There are no musts in AlAnon, only choices. Once the program guides me to the tools that can help me keep pain from turning into suffering, the choice to use them or not is strictly mine.
The truth of this page is powerful, as it reminds me that pain is inevitable, but if I am suffering, it is not because of what someone else has done to me (C2C p.83). It is because I chose to hold onto the familiarity of suffering and small comfort of being a martyr rather than charting a new course for the less known but infinitely larger harbor of peace.
I am so grateful for AlAnon and for your shares...Thank You...
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
thank you! This speaks to me as i am currently facing a new situation and i keep going back to the past. It's not helping. Very helpful & powerful to me.
I am going to share on the ODAT reading for today