The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just found out today that my family shunned me around 7 years or more ago telling others I am (or was) in jail for being a heroin addict. I know it sounds insane but my question is this...how do I shrug this off and get past it? I have no contact with any of them and apparently this is why.
I have wondered for years why they acted so strangely in my presence. Now I know why I guess? ...How do I undo this?
Welcome beGraceful to MIP. So sorry that you are shunned from your family. Are you a current member of Al-Anon or in recovery?
We typically don't offer advice, only suggestions. I'm truly at a loss as to what to suggest at this point but do know that we can't control what others think, feel or do!
The best I can offer at this point is to keep your focus on you and your life/actions/reactions.
(((Hugs))) to you - I was disowned from my family with no communication many years ago as a direct result of some life choices I made. It was a difficult time but I did get through it. You can/will too!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Welcome be Graceful I have learned that I am powerless over others. I can then place principles above personalities , list my assets, validate myself in a positive manner to my friends and let go of concern over family of origin's behavior.
We can connect with others in a healthy fashion and make a new family.
Thank you, Iamhere and hotrod.
I guess I just feel that to ignore it would be cowering down and entering into a victim role and allowing them to walk all over me.
I have wondered for years why they have all turned away from me. I had gotten to a point where I rarely thought of them. Then I hear this. Heck, even a perfect stranger asks me if I am a member of alanon and if I am in recovery?
Well, thanks for your kind thoughts. I'll weigh it all out and do what feels best for me.
I didn't come into my family with instructions on how to be handled and so then often I was mishandled. I had to learn in program that I wasn't alone and like you also listened to others who were also mishandled by parents, relatives and others. What to do??? I found the Al-Anon Family Groups where I was unconditionally loved and accepted by others who knew how and why and how to do that and also to teach me how to stop my own uncaring and judging behaviors. I was taught self love and how to do that and why and how to practice it daily and properly. In the meantime I learned how to love and accept my own unloving and uncaring family without giving myself away to their choices and behaviors. When they are not being loving...I am. This works when you work it. Being shunned by my former wife and her religion and others and then other family members because of patronizing was tricky until I found the program...now it works all the time. (((((hugs))))) keep coming back.
Sounds like you've had it rough Jerry. I'm glad that attending a group such as alanon was of help to you. I don't think it would help in my situation, which is very different. What I mean is, isn't alanon for alcoholism support? Or does their help extend to other family issues?
It's honestly really wonderful to read about your experience. I am so glad you found some help and support :)
