Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene

Jozie · ~*Service Worker*~

Emotional Overload...

Iamhere · ~*Service Worker*~

Oh Jozie -

I do NOT have ESH for this, but had dreamed about it forever!!! You should be very proud and what you are feeling is expected from what my friends tell me! Your son will also have an adjustment period - just males and females process differently, and he may not show it in the same way.

Mine are now 23 and 21. They both were excellent students until they opted to begin experimenting with mind-altering substances. From that point on, it was a struggle to get them to school, both almost did not complete/graduate. My oldest opted to not 'walk' and my second invited my mother and his A-dad to watch him walk (they went to a large school - only 2 guests per student).

So, after leaving my career, trying to parent and carry them for their teen-hell years, I missed seeing either walk for graduation. My oldest is in school now, but angry that I am not paying for it (he had the grades to get a ton of help, but blew that off). My youngest is too busy with maryjane maintenance to consider any courses at the present time. So - back to my point of being proud and grateful.....

You've got a new normal coming! Perhaps it will be so wonderful you won't believe your new place! This is the great thing about living a spiritual life - we get to leave the past behind, holding onto our memories as chosen and have a new day each day. We get to live in the moment, and be of service. We get to have and be grateful for all that we've got and work to be better people. What a freakin gift we have from this program.

I believe you are where you are supposed to be! You're getting ready for a new chapter and there is fear in change and fear of the unknown. The good news, you get to assist in how those pages are populated and I believe you're recovery journey will make that a wonderful story.

Hang in there and know we're all here for you - just a post away! Huge, huge (((Hugs))) for you my friend!

Debb · ~*Service Worker*~

.Jozie, I do not have any ESH concerning what you are going through, but

I also feel so sorry that you are having such a difficult time. Both my kids

are in there late thirties and forties now, my son got married at 27 when

he left the house and my daughter is finally moving out at the age of 37!!!

My daughter has bi-polar issues and is finally confident enough to move

out and she is only going down the street from us. smile So for obvious

reasons, I did not experience the emotions you are experiencing now.

Can you get involved in maybe like a volunteer situation reading to

children, either in the school system or the library?

deacon · Senior Member

Oh Jozie, I can so relate. My husband had three children from his first marriage but I only had the one son. And he was my delight. He was a good and attentive son and he could always make me laugh. And then the joy of my life went away to college. What was I going to do without him? We had such a close connection in so many ways. What would I do with myself without him? But, like you, I held that all in because young men are supposed to go out into the world.

When we took him to college and got him settled in, it was the hardest thing in the world for me to do to maintain my 'happy' face. But I did and said a cheery goodbye. And then I cried all the way home- a hundred miles is a lot of crying! Did I miss him, oh yes. But it is time now for you as it was for me to reconnect with old friends maybe even with hubby. I found new things to do. I was sad but it did wear off eventually. And I knew he needed to make his own life without worrying about me. You will survive and you will even thrive.

And ...you might even find you kind of like having your total independence back.

Lost and scared · Veteran Member

Hi Jozie. I went thru the same turmoil as you are experiencing now. My husband left me when my son was six months old. I raised him, for the most part, on my own. When the time came for him to leave I laid in bed every night and cried for months....before he left. I too had a job and friends and family but I thought that nothing could ever replace him. He saw me cry every so often and would give me a hug and tell me how much he loved me. That usually made me cry harder.

Like I've come to realize in many aspects of life, the FEAR of losing him was much more than the reality. When I dropped him off at college there was a lot of commotion - kids all over moving furniture in, trying to set up their new home. There wasn't time to show much emotion at that point. Similar to Deacon, I cried on the way home. I began to pray and a peace fell upon me. What was I really crying about? My son was a great kid. He was going to experience something that I hadn't (I didn't go to college) and he had grown to be a fine young man. Not only was I proud of him, I was proud of myself for raising him. I made many mistakes along the way, yet he turned out just fine.

He called me that night and thanked me for all that I had done for him. Yes, that made me cry too but this time it was sheer happiness. He grew to be a loving and thoughtful man.

Be proud of yourself and know that he's only a phone call or an hour's ride away. He's not leaving you, just the nest. Let him try his new wings and soar with him!

Jozie · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you All SO Very Much...

I Needed this "Hope" for today... and I Honestly Couldn't be Prouder of My Son, he has Done what I Could Not at his Age, and I'm just Overwhelmed by it all... I Honestly am Very Excited about what Is Ahead for Us Both, its the "unknown" that I Fear... I Know that... I Feel that, but its the Tears that I Can Not Stop...

I Feel Like I'm Grieving So hard at times, I Can't Be in the Moment without being in the Thoughts of feeling Lost... My Son was in Sports and on the same team with a lot of the boys since they were 10, Yesterday I Went to See One of his Friends at Work because I know he was leaving to go away even further them My son, and I Couldn't stop crying to tell him Goodbye Either, there are so Many Kids that I have Adored and had in and out of my House for Years, and Now, Not just Mine... But they are ALL Gone... Poof...

I Love that I have Social Media that I Can Keep in Contact with them, and watch them Succeed and Grow, but I'm Still Very Much Grieving it all... I have Made Great Friendships with Parents and I'm Grateful I have Some of them as well Still in my Life, and Last Night I Made a F2F Meeting and Cried Some more, but I have Such Amazing Support From this Program, and the People in my F2F & Here...that I Truly Couldn't ask for Better... It is this Program that Keeps Me Grounded, but Currently I Just Can't get my Sail Down...

Our Relationship is So Tight, I just Feel "Worried" I Suppose that I Wont be able to Accept the Change it brings in that... We talk about Everything, He is Very Open to Me, but Often Closed off to Others... Thankfully Some of His Friends will Share his Company Around Campus but again, I "Worried" More about His Adjustment then Mine, Because I Know how Tough My HP is...

I Know in My Heart I Will Adjust... But this is Thee Biggest PAIN I Have Felt in a Very Long Time & Its Stabbing Away at My Heart...Even When I'm Excited & Happy about Things, I'm Still In Tears... Like a Said, Emotional Overload...

Thank you All... I Knew I Could Count on You All... You have Know Idea How Very Grateful I Am, because Now I Can Come Back and Read this as Many Times as I Need... So Thank You...

Friends In Recovery

Jozie

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

((Jozie)) He is precious gifts from HP It is greatt that you cherish him as you do . Trust that HP will help you both to walk through this transition.

Positive thoughts and prayers for you and your lovely family.

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

I've got no ESH except you are letting him into the world giving him the best of you and as a parent that is the best anyone can do. I'm not looking forward to the moment this happens with my kids in the least .. I think it is fear especially in my case because I have been so present (or more than I was when I was married to my XAH) I realize what cool people these two are. I still struggle with defining who I am in the big scheme of things and all I can say is More Will Be Revealed and I need to live in that particular slogan.

Give him to your HP and watch him fly .. he's got a better handle on things than you probably realize because he's been given the gift of seeing someone work a 12 step program and regardless just by that example he has a program even if he doesn't realize it.

It's really hard to be a parent .. there are no owner's manuals that come with kids it's a hit and a miss and sometimes it's realizing that even if they weren't my kids I would still want to be around them because they are what I want to be when I grow up. :)

Hugs S :)

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene