My 36 yo son has had trouble with alcohol since he was a teenager.  Three years ago I had told his girlfriend she didn't have to put up with his drinking when she told me she was becoming afraid of him when he drank.  He found out I said that and has avoided me since then, except to call me when he was drinking and try to start an argument.  When he and the girlfriend split, the police had been involved and he was in jail for 30 days.  I left him alone at that time and he did his time.  I learned that after she put him out he became homeless and I believe he has been that way pretty much the last three years.

In June I learned he had been put back in jail.  I wrote him several times, just newsy letters, no preaching.  I knew I was opening the door for more contact from him.  My husband, his step-father, put money in his account at the jail.  Once he got out he called, not noticeably drunk, ostensibly to thank us for the letters and money, but ended the conversation with a request for money for the glasses he had lost when he was arrested.  I told him I would pay the eye doctor directly, but I would not give him money.  He went to the eyeglass store but found out his prescription was expired.  He called me from there and I could tell he had been drinking.  He got more and more agitated until he was yelling at the store personnel and the mall security was called.  He spent that night in jail.

He was released and was out two days before getting put back in jail.  He goes into stores, causes scenes and the police get called.  He has no where to stay so he gets himself put in jail.  This time is more serious because he threatened someone.  No one will bail him out, so he is in a safer place for now.  My husband and I met with the City Prosecutor and told her he needs help with alcohol and that's why he keeps getting in trouble.  She was very understanding and mentioned it to the judge at his bail hearing, but there isn't much that can be done for now especially because of his age.  He has resisted treatment of course, even though I have offered to help him with it several times through the years.

I know he is almost as near-sighted as I am, so I went to the eyeglass store and told them the situation so they extended the prescription and made up some glasses for him which I delivered to the jail.  I wrote him a letter and told him I hope he takes advantage of AA or any other help that comes his way while he is in jail, and that I am very much afraid he will die if he keeps getting into altercations with other people and the police.

I wondering now if I have already done too much for him.  I still carry guilt for things that happened in his childhood that he won't let go.  I know resentment is the main reason many people get drunk and he has a lot of it.  Should I just leave him alone for now?  My husband wants to visit him at the jail.  No money has been given to him this time.   I feel the need to reassure him that we love him.