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Long story short, I was getting phone calls from the school and from my son that dad wasn't answering and that my X wasn't available and everyone was concerned. I finally broke down at work crying and decided to call the police to do a well check. Not sure how that went but they did wake him up and he eventually checked in with our son. Things don't look good for my X. I can only pray for God's will to be done.
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
My ex did this when we first finished. My children, with my support, stepped off and away. Left him too it. With no audience to fuss, worry, watch, plead, beg, usual nonsense. He got aa as soon as he realized he was on his own. I suggest backing off, you and your son leave him to his self pity and his disease may weaken. Plus it can't be good for your son being in that misery. It's awful.x
you did the right thing. Had to do a wellness check on my AH a few months back. It isn't easy but you can't help be concerned about the alcoholic. Take care of you and your son and I agree that without an audience this maybe the wake up call that he needs to get help. Sending you a lot of positive thoughts and prayers.
Very scary. Whether or not this changes the course of events, at least you won't be tormented by the idea that "If only I'd called for a wellness check, things might have been different." Hoping fervently that he wakes up and starts making better decisions. Take good care of yourself! {{{{Hugs}}}}
He had written an apology text message to me the day prior so I was concerned that there was something going on. After months of spewing vile crap at me via email, I couldn't wrap my head around his apology.
My boyfriend is concerned that I am making the wrong decision letting my son spend any time at all with my X, but i feel that my son is 16 and old enough to start learning how to deal with his father: who, quite frankly, will always be his father no matter what his age. My son has another counseling session next week so I hope he gets a chance to express his concerns and fears to the counselor and I hope that he finds ways to cope along with the program tools I share with him regularly.
My X also doesn't seem to be listening or paying attention to anything I say. Another long story, but I wound up paying his city services bill yesterday and I left him a message telling him so. He texted me last night telling me he paid the bill and fixed the billing info. Ummm, I had the city send him an email of confirmation of payment BY ME and I left him a message AND a text message telling him what happened and how I paid it. Why did he pay it??? Weird.
Anyway, he's all over the place and I hate leaving my son there but my son has math tutoring again today and next week school starts and, because we chose a private school with no buses, my X has to take our son to classes. That will mean that my son spends a LOT of nights over there and I am really wondering how this month will unfold. Thank goodness I have a plan B, which is for my son to start online schooling and just stay at my house full time. Or he can take a few classes at a homeschool co-op and do some stuff at home.
My other option is that I quit my job, move into a cheaper place, cut costs, and figure out how to get my son through the next 2 years on a super tight budget but that is the worst case scenario. If I did that, I'd really be putting myself on the back burner when it comes to my career possibilities and income potential. Eventually, my savings and child support will run out and I'll be living on minimum wage, which is not a good option for me AT ALL.
I have so much swimming through my head right now! UGH
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
Thank goodness I have a plan B, which is for my son to start online schooling and just stay at my house full time. Or he can take a few classes at a home school co-op and do some stuff at home.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________I like Plan B and would not even consider leaving my job .
Keep on taking care of yourself Prayers and positive thoughts on the way.
Do you have a plan b for your son? I would hate to see you leave your job. Do you have a friend who could take your son what about him being able to drive? I would feel more comfortable with my kids not being able to leave if they needed to.I don't find time spent with their dad is positive. I'm grateful they have each other.
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
So sorry for you and your son that you had to call for this. I got smart and set a boundary up that informs my As that if I don't hear from them for a period of time, it's a given that there will be a welfare check....that way, everyone is one the same page - even if they loose track of time/days/etc. because of substance abuse.
So good to hear that you have a Plan B - those have saved me over and over and over again! I believe we should always have a Plan B, that helps me keep my expectations in check as I never know which way is up - ha.....
Prayers and positive thoughts for peace and a great school year for you and your son!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
