The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The C2C reading for August 5 speaks about resentments. It suggests that, prior to finding Al-Anon most of our waking hours were consumed by thinking/ obsessing over our resentments and the anger that it produces.
Today, although it is important to notice my feelings, we dont have to continually rehearse and rehearse our grievances. We learn that it is not necessary to keep reviewing the incident, and the hurt, so as to assign blame and plan retaliation.
Instead Alanon offers tools that help us to look at the incident in a detached fashion, examine our motives and our part in the event then learn the lesson and move on by letting go and acceptance. We can apply step six and seven because the way to let go of resentments is to turn them over to HP and ask for help all
In addition resentments prevent us from experiencing joy. We can shift our attention and energy and try to learn something new.
The quote is from George Nathan;" no man can think clearly when his fists are clenched."
When I first entered Al-Anon I was filled with a great deal of anger, resentment, self-pity and fear. I thought that was who I was and there was nothing underneath.
Al-Anon and my sponsor insisted that I was a child of God filled with many great and positive things. They said I was human like everyone else and that these were simply resentments that built up over my lifetime-- underneath them was my true self, filled with compassion, empathy, wisdom, understanding and courage. I needed to be able to let go of the negative feelings that were blocking my constructive tools.
Al-Anon steps and slogans helped me to do just that. I am eternally grateful.
Thank you Betty. Great share on a very good reading for me! Pre alanon I could nurture resentment like no ones business. It was an art form- I could go for days with just a cloud over me. I am looking back and thinking about how that must have been for my kids! And grateful that I do not appriach my life like that anymore thanks to program work and recovery.
OK, just tried to go back to sleep on that note, of letting go of resentments. I understand letting go of them over time - but what about the ones that are right now? I am just sooo resentful of moving out of my home!!! We moved to this "dream property" two years ago after we both fell in love with it 3 years earlier while visiting this little town we now live in. We relocated from another state, left our families and friends behind, because we wanted to be here, where we could have chickens, a garden, space, quiet.
I do understand nobody is forcing me to move out at gunpoint, but the alternative seems to be losing my sanity by continuing to coexist with an active drinker in denial (only drinking in secrecy), with children in the home.
My whole body is feeling the equivalent of the clenched fists described in the quote above. I can feel how not-good or healthy this is for me, but not seeing clearly how to move through something so fresh and so painful, and even stlll in the future (the moving out part).
Not sure if it is appropriate to post my own thoughts/struggles in response to the daily post? I wish I had something enlightening and inspirational to share instead about how I have managed to put this into practice!
i can certainly understand your feeling as you describe the situation you are in. It is also difficult for me at times not to look at some of the dreams and hopes I had a long the way in my marriage that were not realized. I don't know your situation but since what you are doing is walking toward a more peaceful and healthy life for yourself- maybe it will be helpful to dwell on that and not on what didn't get to happen as a result of your move there? You are not staying stuck in a situation that is not good for you and that's a positive to be celebrated.
Posting your own thoughts/struggles in relation to the daily post is completely appropriate That's sort of the whole point of the daily readings, to apply them to our right now and see how we might apply different thinking/tools.
Letting go of resentment over things that are happening now or continue to happen is something I am struggling with as well. I dob't know how to stop having them; I do know that program tools like staying in the now, letting go of the outcome etc do help me not to react in destructive ways, and that makes life more serene for me in the long run
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Yes MsM and Mary I agree completely.
Reading and responding to the daily reading is very appropriate and helpful. The responses helps each of us know we are not alone and are sharing the oourney with other like minded souls.
Thanks for your honesty, courage and clarity oceanpine.
For me, resentment comes from expectations. some days i am very good at not having expectations, and sometimes i am very bad at it. I am working on it though!
That's sort of the whole point of the daily readings, to apply them to our right now and see how we might apply different thinking/tools.