The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So my father has been seeking help. He stumbled across this. "Living with an alcoholic wife" some tips and ideas to help cope. And it read this.....mind you my mother yes is an alcoholic. But she binges. So it's either every night or every few nights. Depending I what she feels deserves a drink. Whether or me typical drama, she's sad or depressed (we know she doesn't take her meds routinely) or just plain mad at something. She's mad at me right now and my father bc we got terribly upset with her on the 4th of July. She got rip roaring drunk and ruined the holiday for all of us. I hate my children had to witness that. So I put my foot when I left (grandparents kept their grand babies for a week and 1/2) I told her during that time she needed to if anything drink in control and responsibly. Well, to get back at me she just didn't drink the entire time. (Kudos but it was all a scheme) once she dropped my kids home she went home for again rip roaring drunk and then stay sober for tens days and did it all over again. Mind you my father and I have detached loving, and refuse to apologize for her actions. My dad is strong but you can tell his falling apart inside. He wants his wife back. But she so cold and discerning. She's so self centered. She truly believe we should apologize for what she has done to herself and hurting others (not physically) mentally and emotionally. Anyway he came across these slides and once said this. Should we act on it or just let her still be cold and heartless or should we give her this ultimatum?
Good Morning Tasha Im glad you reached out. Alcoholism is a dreadful, progressive fatal disease over which we are powerless. We didnt cause it, cant control it and cant cure it.
I can certainly identify with your feelings and have dealt with people who behave as your mother does. Al-Anon is a recovery program for family members who are living with the disease and AA is a recovery program for the alcoholic. The feelings that you described and the pain that your dad is in are understandable and we who have lived with the disease understand his few others can.
Face-to-face alanon meetings are held in most communities and the hotline number can be found in the white pages. It is here that I learned how to keep the focus on myself, live one day at a time, stop reacting and to respond to the insanity in a more healthy fashion.
Youre not alone and there is help. I would also suggest that your dad attend as well. Keep coming back
The Al anon meetings in my area are too far of a drive for me. As for my father. I'm sure their is one close by. (He resided in Alabama and I'm in Virginia )
speaking from experience, ultimatums don't usually work. I was a bit confused at the slide you attached. Are you trying to figure out if your father should remove all alcohol from the house? She is an adult and could just go and buy more. I think you and your father would benefit from face to face meetings. It would help with providing you with the tools you need to deal with an active alcoholic. The thing is, she has to admit to herself that she has a problem and want to fix it. Until she has done that and stopped blaming others for her actions, there is little that you can do besides detaching with love and focusing on yourself and your family. Maybe once she starts to see how her bahavior is affecting everyone else, she will then realize she has a problem.
