The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I mentioned here several times that I have a friend who works as an abuse counselor, who was steadfastly supporting me through that time in a really cool non-pushy way. When Abf lost his crap in our final days together and was drunk and terrifying, I went to her in the middle of the night with a child and a dog and she made a bed for us without batting an eye-lid. She left me a key and a note asking me to feed the cat and feel free to come back and let myself in any time I needed to. I used to always feel grateful and a little ashamed and inferior; I just had so many problems and all we ever talked about was me! I wished it was different but I was such a hot mess and she was so GOOD at asking the right questions and then patiently hearing me. I always wished it could be different and we could just meet as equals and I could be as much of a friend to her as she was to me but I was always in need and she always knew what to say and do.
Anyway I moved from that town last year and we've made a zillion plans to meet up and it hasn't eventuated until this past week. I went to meet her for lunch. And yay, we just had a normal conversation! About her business and my studies and our daughters and the intricacies of our vegetarian lunch. It was so nice. We made plans to take our girls to a show together. And I didn't discuss Abf, and she didn't ask. I finally felt like a friend and not a needy person asking for a free consultation. I wanted to-and was able to-hear about her.
It felt good. Mostly because I don't approach everything from a position of shame and apology now. I like how I am without all of the shame. I like being able to hear people above the noise in my own head. Maybe I can have friends now, and have something to give instead of having an aching black hole that needs to be filled by anyone who gets close to me.
It's like the blue fairy turned me into a Real Girl.
Thanks al-anon!
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
So happy to hear about your friendly lunch and so cool to hear how you've grown! Love, Love, Love it - you have to keep working this program - it just looks so good on you...
Way to go and hope this is the start of many more meaningful friendships for you!
(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
lol Pink, thank you When in doubt I'll picture a tiny you flying about my ear being encouraging lol!
Happy today, lots of work to do but lots of things to look forward to as well.
(((everyone)))
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
I totally understand your post. I am right now where you were a year ago. I feel so much guilt and shame that so many of my friendships are one sided right now, all about me and my heartbreak over my ex ABF. I hope (i know?) that this will eventually change and I will once again be able to be a good friend with equal attention given to both sides. Your description of having an aching black hole needing to be filled, that's me right now. I'm glad to know there's hope out of this space.
Missmeliss, sounds like you have a wonderful friend. There are definitely good people in this world. And I'm sure she knows you would return the favor to her if need be.
You had it in you all along and your last couple of posts sound amazing. I am very happy for you and your family (daughter).
I hate to say it, but my daughter is the same age and very like yours with school and things. Unfortunately, mine is now working on the teen thing and is challenging me in a brand new way. Ish me luck with these new challenges, please. I am trying to use the program in all things so that I can better handle life with a teen, as well as life in general.
I Think you have found your way and I'm so happy for you!
Keep smiling and I'm positive your life will keep getting better and better. You really have done some amazing work and made some amazingly hard, but wonderful parenting decisions (as well as personal achievements)!
Wishing you luck right back with the "teen thing" DMB lol and thanks Things are feeling good of late.
Rosanne, there sure are good people in the world; al-anon has taught me that!!
Hugs Mary, I know this is a pretty difficult time for you right now but you're at the start of a wonderful journey, with so many good things to come
(((everyone)))
__________________
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
When in doubt I'll picture a tiny you flying about my ear being encouraging lol!