The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was asked the other day, wasn't I afraid to be alone? The question threw me a little because - of all the emotions/feelings I've gone through in the past years, fear of being alone just hasn't been one of them! Fear of being alone? Fear - of being alone in my peaceful house, able to do what I choose when I choose to do it; free to eat pizza my way, free to come and go, get up in the middle of the night without having to explain why, free to bang on the piano, watch chick flicks, not watch he-man flicks - I could go on forever! Fear of coming home to a house where no one yells at me, I don't crane my head to look around the corner to see if HE'S home before turning; I live in such beautiful peace it never dawned on me that some might be afraid.
Have to clarify here though - I live in small town America, have lived here for 13 years. Its a quiet town, neighbors know me and none of them are of the violent type; and I have my dog Betsy to bark if anyone opens my gate and I guess I dont really live alone because my daughter shares my house.
I'll say again though - It has never dawned on me that some in my situation might be afraid. I take great comfort from a simple Bible verse "For I did not give you a spirit of fear" I remind myself of that verse when fear threatens like when I'm faced with driving a bus through busy downtown big city - I'm not supposed to be afraid.
But it's more than that I think, partly it's that I've lived and survived through the horror of an alcoholic relationship where someone screamed at me and I screamed back. I can't dwell on the fear of something that MAY happen when I'm still so grateful that I escaped my own private horror movie and can enjoy such peace. Part of it is my deep belief that when I die is when I die and nothing I do will deter that date with destiny and I have a clear faith in my HP that will always protect me. Part of it comes from knowing that there is a better way to handle a lot of what I used to not handle as well I feel more capable of handling the bad times so they dont scare me anymore.
I was given a spirit of joy, fear has no place here.
-- Edited by likemyheart on Saturday 1st of August 2015 12:21:16 AM
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
Dear LMH, what a beautiful, honest heartfelt share! I couldn't have said it better, nor can I add to it-- but I can surely identify and say "me too."
I know I'm never alone, and my trust and faith in HP has provided me with a great sense of serenity and comfort. By trusting HP's will my life did not go as I wanted but I surely was given the power to thrive regardless.
I firmly believe that I will be given the power to carry out my destiny-- as I have already been.
I remember the 11th step at all times and pray for knowledge of HP's will and the power to carry it out-- it has not failed me to date.
Thanks for your wisdom and for sharing the journey
Likemyheart, I truly appreciate your post. At the risk of saying "me three," I feel the same as you described: Free of my own personal horror movie, peaceful at home, creating a new wonderful chapter in my life.
My AH passed away last month. I often suspect that people expect me to feel a certain way (grieving, afraid, incapable), and I feel a bit guilty for not feeling the way I believe they expect me to. But their feelings are something I didn't cause, can't control, and can't cure ... so why worry about them? I respect their concern, but do not have to change my feelings to accommodate them.
Anyway, add me to the list of people who feel a well-deserved sense of peace and serenity.
I too appreciate the share!!! I must say that it makes perfect sense to those of us here. For those who've not lived with what we have, I am certain they have fear of the future and the unknown. This is exactly why as much as I hate this disease, I have to be grateful that that same disease that has haunted me and those I love brought me to a better way of living and a peaceful, happy life.
I trust my HP also to lead me to where I am to go. One of my sons told me in a rage that I would die alone for pushing them all away. I chose to say nothing, as I knew it was the disease talking at me. I gave it thought after and I stayed peaceful knowing that I would not be alone whether they were in my life or not.
(((Hugs))) for such a beautiful share! Me 5 (ha-ha)!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
-- but I can surely identify and say "me too."