The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I haven't been here in quite some time...for those of you who may remember me and my story, I just wanted to give you an update.
My AH and I have been married for six years. He relapsed five years ago. There has been no physical abuse in our marriage, but the emotional abuse has been intense and grueling at times. We have a five year old son, and I have two daughters from my first marriage. All three children have witnessed much of the emotional abuse. My daughters have essentially hated my AH with the force of a thousand supernovas for years.
After five years of codependency, financial problems, and every excuse under the sun, I signed a lease yesterday for my own apartment. My children and I will be moving out during the first week of September. While my AH is aware that I "want" to leave, I think he believes it to be a nebulous concept rather than a full-blown plan. I will not be telling him of my imminent departure until the last possible moment.
My deepest, most profound gratitude to everyone here. I arrived here a very, very sick woman, and this group has been a big part of my own recovery.
Glad to see you back Steph! Nice work on taking action to improve your situation. We get to a point where unacceptable behavoir, is unacceptable and not tolerated. We also outgrow people in The Progam. I've learned that's okay and healthy. Chances are he doesn't believe you'll execute your plan, because if you're like me, you've made many treats in the past and never followed through on them.
I had to do the same thing with my X. She moved out though. It's been a huge plus for me. God revealed many times afterward that I was on his path and the right path. Sometimes God adds by substraction. Opening up space in our lifes for more of the good stuff.
Ironically, 3 months after moving out, she wanted back in. I'm grateful I was healthy enough to say NO!
After a particularly bad blowup in early June, I asked my AH to move out. He said he would, and then the next morning was acting like nothing had ever happened. So I started my search in earnest.
I wish you the best as you move towards the next chapter of your life with your children. Be mindful of your HP and your program - they appear to be a part of your recovery and will get you through this.
Post anytime - we're always just a few minutes away!
Glad you are back!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
