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Well, i havent posted in awhile, id like to say its cuz im doing ok. .Which for the most part is true. But i realize staying away isnt good. Ive taken a new job. Working in a mental health clinic ft and summers as opposed to my former school job. the environment and peopke are FAR better. . Being away from home not so much. . Not so great. I at least am able to take my daughter to school everyday . No more worrying about ah having drank the nite before. But now what im struglgling with is evenings. I get home later, theres no help and im still doing all.of the juggling. Its my reality. The old resentments are creeping in and im becoming a terrible night owl. I stay up looking at fb, reading and watching tv and frankly enjoying the quiet. But im tired and nit finding my serenity as easily. This week has been particularily challenging. . Immissing hime, ive gained weight, i attempted to get of an anti depressant, ah has been away from home more than home and when he is home hes hungover, sleeping and picky. . He finds fault with EVERYTHING. . Yes. Nothing new and i didnt expect it to be different. . Its now just a little harder to see him miserable toward our daughter who is 11 and full of emtion. .she feels like dad is always "at" us and welll, he is. .And he feels "theres nothing i can do to please you two". .his classicl poor me line. Somedays are better than others. Having been on medic leave this past year from my previous job, resigning, starting a new job, not being home. . Its jyst been a tough few months. I had a cliemt the other day that coukd write my daughters story in a few yrs i fear. Shes got a really troubled fatjer daughter relatioship an overcompensating mother and depression, anxiety. . You name it. . Made me feel like i was counseling my iwn kid. Hard to stomach. Another day my mom had to come over to get my daughter when i keft for wrk and my ah was too hungover to get out if bed. I was mortified. Things arent getting done that he typically does. His moods are foul, his attitude terrible. He has maybe two/three decent days. . Maybe. . Its just not easy at the moment. I kniw. . Its my choice. . .Thanks for listening
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When all else fails...there is Faith, Hope and Prayer.
I can certainly sympathize with what you're going through. Although my AH is currently doing very well in his recovery, it's only been almost 2 months. I think back to how it was when he was drinking every day. What you described sounds a lot like how our home life was. We have two teens who grew up with the active alcoholism. They don't know any different. And like you said it is my choice that I stayed. I know at any time he can relapse. What I don't know is if I can stick around for that life again. I am currently out on a medical leave for the summer from my full time job. I basically had a sort of little nervous breakdown. I don't know what else to call it. I just gave up and did not want to get out of bed. I used to love going to my job. I guess that's what you call depression and anxiety. Not fun to have either. This board has helped me so much. I see that I am definitely not alone. I have learned to believe that things will fall into place at the time they are meant to. I sincerely hope you find some peace and serenity. (((Hugs)))
Hi theoceancalls, nice to see you back posting and sharing the journey. Congrats on your new job!! It does seem as if alcoholism is following its usual pattern of progression in your home. I am sorry to hear this and urge you to keep using your Al-Anon tools in order to maintain your sanity.
You are not alone and that sharing the journey helps tremendously
Good to see you back and sorry for your current scenario. I'm so glad you returned and shared and hope by doing that, you've found some peace for the moment.
I tend to get like you are if/when I step away from the program. Be gentle with yourself and go 'back to basics' and see if you can't find 'you' again. You've done it before and you'll find your peace again.
You are not alone and we are just a post away!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
