I made it to my class today, a little late so I had to squeeze in to a seat between 2 other ladies. One of them is a lovely smiling soul that I have sat with in classes before. The other was an older lady I've not met before who gave me a really dirty look when I sat down, enough to make me wonder if I'd forgotten to wear clothes or something.

Anyway the teacher gave an introductory talk about anonymity and how we would basically be getting up close and personal with each other practicing diagnostic techniques and that to discuss the physicality of a student outside the classroom was worthy of immediate suspension. 

Anyway she then asked us to all "roll up our sleeves" to start with some basic stuff using our forearms and oh boy. I'd rather have my butt examined than my arms because unfortunately they are covered in a lot of ugly old scars from my early years of self loathing and non existent coping skills. So because of the way the room was ordered I was the only logical person she could partner with and she gave me a look of pure disgust (I've never met this woman and I have NO idea what her problem with me was) and started looking around trying to find someone else. It was so rude I kind of just sat there incredulously. I hadn't rolled up my sleeves yet so that wasn't it. (She was older and studying a different modality and I did hear her expressing a lot of disdain for us "health freaks" to her friend who came in after me and sat somewhere else. In fact I think her pure hate stemmed from me taking a seat she had hoped her friend would occupy...wow, get over it???). 

Anyway she finally gave in and turned to me, grabbed my arm and stared at it and started poking my scars (we were NOT examining scars, we were meant to just be checking pulses and skin temp etc) and saying "oh My GOD these are obviously old, but they're SO DEEP how did you do this, they're terrible!" I felt really sick and violated with my arm in her hands, her treatment of me was horrid and let me say she FAILS at bedside manner. It's bloody obvious what my scars are and its very rare that anyone is ghoulish enough to comment on them if they see them. It took all of my effort not to wrench my arm away and slap her. I've spent my whole adult life trying to keep my arms covered so this was a really sickening moment for me and I was grateful in that moment to have a program and to be able to not react, and instead sit in silence with my HP for a few moments and ask for serenity. It came, thankfully. When she asked again "What happened to your arms" I managed to look her in the eye and say levelly "Nothing I feel inclined to discuss, thank you".

So then we had to call out the heart rates and mine was way above normal which caused people to gasp and say 'Oh my God that's so high, wow, are you OK?" Sigh. of course my heart was racing, I was upset and really not wanting any more attention directed to myself

Anyway HP and I decided to concentrate on learning and we also decided that we wouldn't do any more partnering exercises with the nasty 50 year old bitchy teenager. Thankfully there was a super nice teaching student observing the class who I guess noticed that there was something wrong because she came and offered to partner me. Yay, she was nice. Nasty lady went and partnered up with her friend and the 2 of them talked throughout the rest of the class loudly and rudely upsetting everyone. So I don't mean to be ageist, being a mature age student myself but I was really peeved to see these 2 mature females behaving like rude high-schoolers. 

Anyway at the end of the class we were all standing around to watch a demonstration and I actually heard her say to her friend "Oh my God you should see what I saw on that girls arms, I got the shock of my life". 

Nice. 

Anyway I was grateful for my program because I would not have handled that situation well in the past; I probably would have walked out crying and never gone back. But instead I stayed, I learned and I remembered that their behaviour was about them, and nothing to do with me.

Then I got home and the texts from XAH started. "So when I come early on Friday this week what do I do, do you expect me to just sit in your driveway in my car do you?" Sigh, this hasn't been an issue for 9 years; in the past yes he has waited in the car. I replied

"don't come early?" and got a bunch of irrelevant garbage back ending again with "so I'll just sit in my car in your driveway then?" to which I replied "OK". His tone is such that he's trying to make out i am "acting crazy" by saying he can't come into my house. And I sense that he is in full bully mode and he will be early on Friday and banging on the door claiming he is "busting to go to the toilet" or some other excuse for why I have to let him in. He's not coming in, I'm not sure how I will handle it yet as he is ridiculous when he is like this and will have put a lot of effort into crafting a way to get in. I MUST also remember to make sure daughter doesn't take her keys to his house as he will have them duplicated. Sigh. Perhaps i will meet her after school and have him meet us in town somewhere but it's a big nuisance that i don't have time for.

So anyway, it's been challenging but thank HP for having a program and knowing when to use it.

On the bright side, we were meant to spend about $300 on boring diagnostic tools for this class through the university shop and I have spent a few hours on ebay finding items of equivalent quality and have saved myself $200 AND I now look forward to receiving a bright purple stethoscope, a hot pink otoscope etc, and the fob-watch I bought for timing I have to include a picture of- are there any Harry Potter fans in the house? It's just about the funnest watch I have ever seen