So glad you have gathered up the bravery and posted.  I know how hard it is to take those initial steps.  It sounds as if you've had a rough time with groups.  I don't know what the woman at the cancer support group was thinking - who doesn't need support in those circumstances?!  That is just crazy.

The truth is, though, that in groups for people recovering from difficult problems, there are always going to be some people whose recovey is not very far along.  If we were all perfect at this, we wouldn't be facing any problems at all or reaching out, would we?  So, many groups will have one or two people who say the wrong thing or make silly suggestions or what have you.  That's why "Take what you like and leave the rest" is an important part of Al-Anon.

I live in a small town and most of the groups I tried out had someone I knew already in them.  We'd sort of laugh and say "Hey!  You too?  Wow!"  So many people whose lives seemed so ideal and well set up, who were actually grappling with big problems like me.  That was kind of a relief, and I admired them for getting out there and  getting support.  It also made things a little easier, because then I knew some folks who had some practice at healthy thinking, and I wasn't starting from being complete strangers - being acquaintances already made it easier to get to know them further.

So I'd suggest that you don't need to steer clear of any group where you might run into someone you know.  That one Al-Anoner who broke anonymity was way out of line, but that is very rare, in my experience.  After you go and establish yourself at a meeting, after all, you'll know all the people there.  So whether you know them already or you'll know them in six weeks doesn't make much difference.

I hope you'll go back and get the support you deserve.  Take good care of yourself.

It does sound like you've had some rotten experiences with reaching out for support.
I hope you'll try again; anyone who recognises you at a meeting is there themselves after all, and I can't imagine anyone with a half decent program thinking you don't deserve support or annonymity because of your profession. In my experience a huge percentage of al-anoners are in the helping professions; it's just part of our makeup!!

As to posting here, or not...I feel the same way often, when I talk a lot about my own situations and then when I want to reply to another person I feel as if I have nothing helpful to say. I used to write and delete posts constantly for the same reason.
But I find the more I reach out and share and connect, the more often I feel like I have something supportive to say to another; it's a process, it doesn't come all at once. I often share just as I would in a meeting here because I can't get to many in real life and it still helps, to just say it "out loud" to other people in a safe place where people get it.

You absolutely do deserve support. Have you tried the online meetings here?

i currently don't go to f2f meetings which i know is not recommended, but i get a wealth of knowledge, information and help here. If i am not ready for a f2f then this is the next best thing. Alot of times life isn't "ideal". But it's amazing how much this helps because after all, the tools are here and the motivation is in me. It's what *we* make of the tools. I hope you feel supported here and i know you have the strength to do this! Maybe come to the online meeting here tonight?

A friend of mine in my AlAnon group ran into her divorce lawyer. Surprise!! It was still a good meeting! I ran into my niece. She cried on my shoulder and I hugged her tight.

Hello Rainbow and welcome to MIP. So glad you found the courage to post and so glad you're here now!

By the time I reached out for help, I was reasonably destroyed. I believe most of us are or very close. After all, we don't seek help when we are doing good - right?

So, already feeling beat up and lacking any self-worth and self-confidence, I went to my first F2F meeting. I did not have an experience like yours, but I did feel it wasn't right for me. I was not wanting to go back but had promised that I'd try more than one. I went to a different one, and it felt better. I kept going as it brought relief that sitting alone at home did not.

My point is my own position in life played a huge part in how I viewed that first meeting, or so I believe. I am certain had I faced what you faced, I would have been scared or angry or hurt or ??? and never wanted to go again.

I have had my anonymity broken since and it is frustrating as he!! to me. But, my sponsor kindly reminded me that 12 Step programs DO NOT attract the healthy, so we must look at these situations as opportunities to grow. *sigh* - yet another time where I have to learn through discomfort that everybody has different values - even definitions of what's right/wrong, honest/dishonest, good/bad, etc.

So, please don't let your experiences drive your future. Try, try and try again - you deserve to exhaust any/all options readily available for your happiness, health and self-restoration.

The meetings here are fantastic - but attendance has been a bit lower lately due to summer-time (I think). You should find a welcoming group, but if your experience is different, try again - different folks show up on different days. The morning meetings have become my preferred but I still stop by evening at times.

We welcome you and your pain with open arms. We will care about you, listen to you, share our ESH with you and do what we can to help you heal. After all, in my experience if we don't share with others, we lose focus for our own recovery.

Again, so very glad you are here and so very glad you found your voice, strength and courage to share! Keep coming back and know that we're just a post away. As far as a sponsor, you can certainly ask someone for support. I know we've had a few persons ask at meetings, and there is the PM (Private Message) function here and there.

(((Huge Hugs))) to you and know that you are not alone!

 

 

Aloha Rainbow and welcome back to the board your post reminded me of something I learned in recovery along the way..."Fear is the greatest emotional problem in this disease" and I was glad I was too damned angry and oppositional to just cave into fear when I got here.   Yes I was afraid and the anger and rage I thought hid it rather than was evidence of it.  When I got my heart shattered I got very angry and then I got into Al-Anon as you have.  I learned something new right from the start, "Sit quietly (as often as I could" and listen with an open mind.  The fellowship of the program led me to believe I was loveable because they told me so and acted it out where I wasn't getting anything near that from my alcoholic/addict wife or myself.  I also came into Al-Anon near terminal...suicidal because no matter how much I tried and wanted to be loved it didn't happen until I got here and then learned to love myself.  You're strong and have courage and I also learned in the rooms that "Courage is fear that has said its prayers".   Everyone who is here practices courage so you're welcomed.  We second guess our intentions all the time cause this isn't a perfect program and we are not perfect people.  We do the best with what we have at the time we have it and then...turn it over to a power greater than ourselves.  This works because we work it and you are invited to stay and learn and practice with us.  Your alcoholic is a very sick person and his behaviors are less than admirable and still you have become sick by being affected by the disease also.  You're on your way...trusting God and reaching out.  Like the others I am in support if you keep coming back.    (((((hugs)))))

Also, sorry you went through this. You may be upset and disappointed right now, but shattered heart implies this man had the power to literally beak you in some way. He did not and does not have that power. You will be sad, but it's okay. Remember, you dont always have to be the helper. If you do that at work already, I think you just rewarded ypurself by ending a relationship where you were constantly in that role in you personal life. Balance is a must.