The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Five years ago I went to an Al-Anon meeting. It wasn't for me. Those people weren't like me. My daughter was just a heavy drinker. So I never went back. I mean, she is married and has 2 kids and I've never seen her drunk. Sure, she drinks a lot and her house is always a wreck and she sleeps all the time. We bicker constantly and She never participates in family events, has no 'real' friends, but the kids are well taken care of and are happy. Or so it seemed. Funny how lost in denial a person can become. How I've changed my life around her illness. How I've made excuses, denied the problem, yelled at her, preached to her, begged her, berated her and tried to control her into not drinking. Before I knew it I was trying to control everyone and everything around me. So angry and bitter I've become. So sick. And now, that the disease has reared it's ugly head in the worst kind of way, I came back to Al-Anon this week because I know it's the only thing that might save me. Because I have become sicker than the Alcoholic. I felt comfortable in the meeting. I felt a peace in the meeting I haven't felt in a long time. I came home to a message that she is in the hospital. I'm thankful that I had that meeting first. I almost lost her this week. I know I have never had control and I know I can't cure this horrible disease for I would give my very own life if I could. I've been consumed by the disease of Alcohol. I don't know if my daughter will ever stop drinking, and I have to accept that I might have to bury my child. I don't know how to deal with this but I know I have to give it everything I have. For today, all I can do is stop berating my Child and making her feel that it's her fault she has this disease. I can give the control over to GOD and try like crazy not to take it back 5 minutes later. It's hard to imagine happiness is possible, but I saw it on the faces of Al-Anon and I heard it in their testimonies and I will continue to devour every word until I can restore peace in my life and learn how to love my child and myself.
-- Edited by IZ on Tuesday 28th of July 2015 09:56:34 PM
((IZ)) Welcome to Miracles in Progress- I can so identify wtih all that you shared and just wanted to assure you that ther is hope and help. You are not alone .
Aloha IZ...you were qualified back then and stayed qualified for the rooms of Al-Anon. I was a retread also and I don't berate myself for it...I wasn't ready then and then I was and I sat in the rooms and listened and at the end of my for real first meeting I got the promise that lead to the first miracle of recovery. You heard it also..."If you keep and open mind; you will find help"...all I needed was help and I didn't know then what form it had to take and I got it. I so relate to your honest emotions in this your first post and I look forward to watching and listening with and open mind to your growth in recovery. I feel you will do it well and I can see you Higher Power standing behind you hands on your shoulders with a smile of its face. Keep coming back. Prayers for your daughter. (((((hugs))))) IN support
Hello, IZ, welcome...so glad you gave AlAnon another shot and found some of the peace you've long been without. I, too, lost myself trying to help my qualifier, trying to control the uncontrollable. But like you also, I found peace, strength, and unmatched wisdom in pages, walls, Experience, Strength and Hope of AlAnon.
Hang in there, keep coming back, our thoughts are with you...
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
IZ - I too welcome you to MIP. So very glad you are here and so very sorry for that which has brought you. I consider this the safest place on the Web and my extended family.
How wonderful that you went back to your local Al-Anon for support and chasing a new way to live/process. How perfectly great that you found some peace and comfort in returning. It is the hope and serenity I see in others who've been here longer than I that keeps me coming back - wanting what they have & able to deal with chaos/drama with grace and dignity.
I have two sons that qualify me for Al-Anon and it's been a humbling experience to release control of their illness and their recovery. You can do this and you will not regret it!
Hugs and positive thoughts your way for you, your daughter and all extended family members that are affected by this disease.
So glad you are here - keep coming back!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you all for your kind words of support. I'm having to do this minute by minute at times. Someone at the meeting used an analogy of a hula hoop. She said anytime you start to feel overwhelmed and need to control everything, imagine you have a hula hoop around you and you only have to control what is inside of the hoop. That has actually helped me this week in dealing with visiting my daughter, and dealing with family members. Every time I feel the need to voice my opinion or try to control the situation, I just put my mental hula hoop on :) She gets out soon and I am scared.
Good workIZ. I found that every meeting I attended I came away with some Gem of an idea that helped me to live my life with a little more serenity courage and wisdom. I'm glad you attended the meeting and did pick up the" hula hoop "tool-- it is a lifesaver.
The serenity prayer also works for me when I am fearful, as well as additional meetings.
Prayers and positive thoughts on the way.
Please keep coming back there is hope
My child is sick, my heart is breaking into bits and pieces each day. Today, we took my daughter to long term rehab. I don't know if it will work. It's quiet now. My 2 year old grandson is asleep in my bed, and I'm holding on to the words I've been hearing. It's difficult to deal with these feelings. I am a mother, this is my child. I can't wait for tomorrow, for a chance to go back to the meeting that helped me so much last week. It feels like it's becoming a fleeting memory and I know I have to get back to it. This is the hardest thing ever.
Iz. I know exactly how you feel. I to have a alcoholic daughter whom I have been trying to control, cure, lecture, counsel etc . This resulted in complete and utter despair in myself when it did not change. Tonight for this moment your daughter is safe and is where she needs to be. Your grandson is safe with you. Your daughters hp is with her as yours is with you. No one knows what the future may hold but there is always hope. You and your family will be in my prayers tonight.
If you want to you can use a prayer I use to say when I was wanting to sleep at night all alone...my alcoholic/addict and I were separated so I had nothing to wrap my arms around. "Dear Father put your arms around me and hold me so I can sleep thru the fear". I worked and still does. Take what you like...leave the rest.
